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To Stepmothers Who Don't Want To Be Called Mommy

November 02, 2011 | Comments: 0 | Views: 141

I recently read an article about stepmothers who do not want their stepchildren to call them mommy. The main reason is because the child already has a mother. My immediate response was....what? I am a stepmother and I was raised by someone other than my biological mother. I call the woman I know as my mother, mommy. If I had to call her anything but mommy I would be devastated.

A mother is a woman who gives life to a child. Every human being has one. A mommy gives her life to a child. A mother shares all the experience of conception and birth. A mommy shares all the experience of sacrifice, selflessness, education, patience, long-suffering, being taken for granted at times, sleepless nights, pride, and love after birth until adulthood. Don't get it twisted, mothers and mommies are not the same people.

It burns my blood to hear stepmothers tell their stepchildren not to call them mommy. If your stepchild asks you can they call you mom, don't deny them that opportunity. It is a natural instinct for a child to call their female caretaker, mommy. There is awkwardness in the relationship when they have to call you Ms. So and So. Their friends hear it, their neighbors hear it, their peers at school hear it, and they hear it. You will never take the place of their mother. It's impossible because you cannot jump into the past and become their mother while she's giving birth. You are the mom if the child depends on you for clothing, food, shelter, education, affection, love, time, and discipline.

My stepdaughter came to live with us when she just turned 13 years old. The first day she called me mommy. I didn't ask questions, I immediately responded to her. Later on she told me she calls me mommy because she wants to experience me the same way my other children do. So even kids know the word mommy defines a relationship between woman and child. It can separate them or include them in the family dynamics. My stepdaughter still has a mother and always will. They visit each other on occasion and I will never take her mother's place. In my home, she's my daughter and I'm her mommy.

Recognize who you are in the child's life. It doesn't matter where their mother is on this earth. She could be living next door for all I care. If you are indeed helping your husband care for his child, then you are their mommy. They will not be confused or think their mother is non-existent as long as they know the mother's identity. I know where I come from and it doesn't change who my mom is or who my mother is.

Lauryn Strange is a seasoned expert on blended families. Her blended family experience started from birth as she was raised by her maternal aunt, went through adolescence in foster care, married, then remarried with children including one adoption. Lauryn's blog, A Strange Perspective is an online resource to empower, inform, and connect with families, parents, and children around the world.

Source: EzineArticles
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