Author Box
Articles Categories
All Categories
Articles Resources

Five Tips for Stepfathers Raising Stepdaughters

October 04, 2011 | Comments: 0 | Views: 185

Raising children is challenging enough, but when you're the stepfather, it's going to be an even bigger challenge. When you first come into your stepdaughter's life you should expect an initial honeymoon period followed by something completely opposite - distance and the cold shoulder. Unless you're a real jerk don't take it personally; it's because the novelty of your presence is gone and reality is setting in. She doesn't understand or accept why her mother needed to find a replacement for her father. Most stepdaughters will need time maybe even years before you are truly accepted. Here are some steps you can take to facilitate the process.

Go at Her Pace

Allow your relationship to move at your stepdaughter's pace. Be patient, at some point, she'll want your involvement as the father figure in her life. Whether it's for help with homework or even to ask for lunch money, she will come to you. It's important you let her know you aren't trying to replace her dad; you just want her to make a little room in her heart for one more person in her family. She will respect you for that. Remember you are marrying their mom and her children.

Stay Connected

If you and your wife decide to have more children, the initial response from your stepdaughter may run the full range of emotions from excitement to outright hostility - expect the unexpected. Do as much as you can during the pregnancy to involve your stepdaughter in the process. Have her help decorate the baby's room, pick the baby's clothes or help pick names for her future sibling. When the baby arrives your natural tendency will be to pay more attention to your newest addition. That's normal just be sensitive to the possibility your stepdaughter may conclude things will be different because it's your biological child and begin placing distance between you and her to protect her heart. During this time, it's important to stay connected with your stepdaughter so she knows you still value her relationship and that's nothing changed. As her stepfather, you should make every effort to make her feel an equal and accepted member of your family.

Instant Love is Only in the Movies

Appreciation and love takes time to grow in any relationship. It's unrealistic to expect her to love you right away, if ever. The only thing you should expect instantly is respect as an adult and you'll need her mother's help to ensure that is set as the standard. Try to find common ground with her. What are her interests? She may even like some of yours. However, no stepfather is immune to the standard "You're not my father!" when you make an effort to help her mom ground her for something she has done wrong. Take it in stride, because at some point or another, almost every child tells their parents they don't like or hate them when this happens love her anyway.

Don't Try to Buy Her Affection

Giving your stepdaughter money all the time, buying her elaborate gifts, giving her anything she wants won't make her love you, and it definitely won't make her respect you. She'll begin to see you as nothing more than a year round Santa Claus she can get anything out of. She'll become spoiled and only fake appreciation, so you'll continue to buy her stuff. The one thing you can give her that she will grow to love and respect you for, is the same mutual love, and respect you want in return. Give her your full attention when she speaks to you, and give her helpful and kind advice when she asks for it.

Know the Limits

As a stepfather, you need to know what could be considered physical and sexual abuse. With your stepdaughter, you should follow the mother's lead for discipline and never act on your own. At any point, spanking her or laying harmful hands on her is considered a form of physical abuse. Also, too much affection can be considered sexual abuse. Kissing her on the cheek or forehead and hugs are appropriate forms of affection. A good rule of thumb is if you wouldn't do it with her mother present then you shouldn't be doing it.

Conclusion

Every little girl needs a daddy, and if her real daddy isn't there for her, she will need someone who is whether she likes it or not. Remember your stepdaughter has experienced a significant loss - the loss of her first family and displacement of her biological father. Grieving this loss is a process with no set timetable. When you enter her life she is wondering if you can be trusted with your heart. To win her heart, it's important you are safe, reliable, consistent and not someone who will break her and her mother's heart.

Gerardo Campbell is the owner of the website Support for Stepfathers, http://www.supportforstepdads.com, a resource for men so they can prepare and equip themselves for the challenges associated with step fatherhood and be able to lead their families through the mine fields associated with blended families.

Source: EzineArticles
Was this Helpful ?

 
0
 
0
 
Rate this Article
 vote(s)
Feedback
Print
Re-Publish

Article Tags:

Stepfathers Raising Stepdaughters

,

Five Tips

,

Raising Stepdaughters

Since time immemorial unscrupulous folk have existed. The world continues to see them and they would continue to exist to the end of the world. The best you could do is sensitizing yourself to detect

By: Zuneaoy l Home & Family > Crafts Supplies l December 11, 2012 lViews: 582

What does it take to find the best prices and greatest selection when searching for jewelry supplies? Because jewelry making has become such a popular hobby, there is no shortage of locations where

By: Zuneaoy l Home & Family > Crafts Hobbies l December 11, 2012 lViews: 249

You can purchase the same thing online for a much cheaper price. Now, granted, you may find that some beads and snake bracelets are just as expensive as at the store, but you will find that online

By: Zuneaoy l Home & Family > Crafts Supplies l December 07, 2012 lViews: 330

Arborist is simply called as the nature maker in the words of a poet. They really make your garden clean, healthy and tidy. When you are having tress at your place it is necessary to check them up or

By: noragwilt l Home & Family > Gardening l November 20, 2012 lViews: 311

To make sure you gain true protection, it is of paramount importance that these covers ought to be durable and strong. To make sure you gain true protection, it is of paramount importance that these

By: Simon Liva l Home & Family > Entertaining l November 16, 2012 lViews: 269

If you wish to throw a birthday celebration party, you should have a lot of money. A number of people think that if perhaps they cannot dedicate such a lot money for the celebration, it won’t

By: jhoel mojokuvic l Home & Family > Entertaining l November 12, 2012 lViews: 286

An All-State guard in high school, James Toney, was offered a basketball scholarship to play at Seton Hall. James struggled with drug addiction. In 1973, he was jailed for drug possession when his

By: Gerardo Campbelll Home & Family > Step Parentingl May 28, 2012 lViews: 287

If you love children and have a motherly generosity within you then you can choose foster care as an ideal career option for yourself. Children are the beautiful broods sent from the heaven who

By: Harvi Maxicl Home & Family > Step Parentingl May 24, 2012 lViews: 192

You were once a confident and competent woman, now your "new life" as a stepmother makes you doubt the good sense God gave you! If you are feeling a bit "abnormal" after entering stepmotherhood, you

By: KaRae' Carey, Ph.D. l Home & Family > Step Parentingl May 23, 2012 lViews: 181

Older folks like yours truly may remember the TV show, the Courtship of Eddie's Father. It starred Bill Bixby, before he was David Banner in The Incredible Hulk. It tells the story of a widower and

By: Joseph D'Eramol Home & Family > Step Parentingl May 05, 2012 lViews: 174

You and your wife may decide to add to your family with children of your own. While clearly a decision for the adults, it greatly involves your stepchildren. It will alter their lives almost as much

By: Joseph D'Eramol Home & Family > Step Parentingl May 05, 2012 lViews: 147

Rodney Dangerfield would frequently lament, "I get no respect" and he wasn't even a stepfather! Just like his biological counterpart, a stepfather may have to deal with negative behaviors like

By: Gerardo Campbelll Home & Family > Step Parentingl April 19, 2012 lViews: 204

An All-State guard in high school, James Toney, was offered a basketball scholarship to play at Seton Hall. James struggled with drug addiction. In 1973, he was jailed for drug possession when his

By: Gerardo Campbelll Home & Family > Step Parentingl May 28, 2012 lViews: 287

Rodney Dangerfield would frequently lament, "I get no respect" and he wasn't even a stepfather! Just like his biological counterpart, a stepfather may have to deal with negative behaviors like

By: Gerardo Campbelll Home & Family > Step Parentingl April 19, 2012 lViews: 204

You are a step-dad speaking with your wife about her children's negative behavior. How would you react if your wife said, "You knew I had kids when you married me." Or to hear, "You shouldn't have

By: Gerardo Campbelll Home & Family > Step Parentingl March 23, 2012 lViews: 159

How do you respond after investing yourself emotionally, physically and financially to raise a child that isn't your own? Get tips on how to respond.

By: Gerardo Campbelll Home & Family > Step Parentingl February 23, 2012 lViews: 168

We transfer our worldly possessions through a trust or last will and testament. We will also pass on our legacy regardless of whether it's good or bad when we pass away. As the leader, within our

By: Gerardo Campbelll Home & Family > Step Parentingl February 12, 2012 lViews: 177

Did you know there are actually five times as many stepfathers as stepmothers? Who has a better relationship with their children - stepfather or biological dad? Who do you think has the more complex

By: Gerardo Campbelll Home & Family > Step Parentingl February 01, 2012 lViews: 156

Discuss this Article

comments powered by Disqus