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Self-Imposed Barriers To Finding A Successful Relationship

February 12, 2012 | Comments: 0 | Views: 149

'Men only want one thing... I'm hopeless when it comes to dating... It just wasn't meant to happen for me.'

I often hear these types of declarations from new clients, and while they seem like harmless throw-away comments, these negative beliefs can quickly become barriers to finding a sensational relationship.

The personal development scene has long spoken about the impact that all kinds of beliefs have on your life, but how do such beliefs influence our dating results and how can we recognise these self-imposed barriers?

A belief is a convenient assumption of reality. A decision you made, based on information from your environment, that you feel is true and valid. People start to form beliefs about themselves and their world from around the age of seven. This is when the ego is born and we're trying to make sense of our surroundings for the first time.

Once we adopt a belief it acts like a camera lens and we start to see the world through the lens of our beliefs. Then, everything from your thoughts and behaviours to your actions and lack of actions is influenced by this lens.

Most beliefs make life simpler because once a belief is formed people tend to stick with it (unless it's specifically challenged), so they can just run the same record, so to speak. For example, people who believe killing animals is wrong are inclined to remain firm in this belief rather than changing their mind.

A belief starts to become a barrier when it begins to limit you. When it's clouding your judgement of self, others, or a situation, or preventing you from getting the outcomes you want.

So, if you are looking at life through a negative lens, for example you think 'All men are scared of commitment,' then you're going to have a very different dating experience than someone who believes 'There are all different types of men out there, I just need to find the right one for me'. In other words, opportunities that exist for an individual with an open and positive lens may be shut off to someone with limiting beliefs.

Further, we tend to attract what we consistently focus on, so if you believe that all men are 'players', then you are more likely to attract this kind of man. This is because our unconscious mind seeks to find evidence that supports our beliefs.

Beliefs also impact on behaviour, so if a person accepts that all men want 'one thing', they might make different decisions based on their perception of reality, which will bring about a different outcome.

This is also true for beliefs you have about yourself. A person who feels confident and demonstrates respect and love for themselves will experience a very different dating life than someone who doesn't have this lens.

Our experiences always stem back to the beliefs we have, hence why they are so important.

When it comes to getting the relationship you desire, it's important to be aware of three main types of beliefs; those about yourself, those about the opposite sex, and those about relationships.

What you believe to be true about yourself is the most important factor in having a sensational relationship. Seeing yourself through a positive lens means you'll generally be more confident to be yourself when dating and demonstrate certainty within yourself - which is the most attractive quality of all.

So, how can you recognise if these self-imposed barriers are lurking?

Take out a sheet of paper and make a list of beliefs and thoughts that you have about yourself, men and relationships, including those pesky thoughts you might have in the heat of the moment. It's usually in times of heightened emotion that those underlying limiting beliefs really surface, like a default position.

If you're struggling to make a list, try finishing off sentences like these: 'All men are...', 'Men treat me like...', 'I am...', 'I'm not...', 'I look...', 'I deserve...', 'Relationships are...'

Now circle all the self-imposed barriers. All the beliefs that are not serving and supporting you to get the relationship you want. Pick out three that you want to change and write ten reasons why each belief is not true, and then decide on three new beliefs that are more empowering and positive. Tackle the limiting beliefs head on and say it's time to knock down those barriers and start enjoying dating life!

Tanielle Thomas is an inspirational Singles Coach who is passionate about helping singles to build inner strength and love being themselves, knowing that this will give them the confidence they need to step onto the dating scene and attract their soul mate.

Tanielle started out her career with an undergraduate psychology degree, and has 9 years experience working with children and families. After spending a number of years on the single scene herself (7 to be exact!), Tanielle then decided to follow her passion and work with Singles who were wanting something more. Those who are ready to clean the slate, dispose of old baggage and improve their relationship with self in order to attract their perfect partner.

Tanielle founded My Singles Coach, where she uses Life Coaching and NLP techniques to help her clients get results!

Source: EzineArticles
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Self Imposed Barriers


Limiting Beliefs


Negative Beliefs



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