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Men and Women's Emotional Needs in Sexual Relationships Differ Over the Longer Term

April 20, 2012 | Comments: 0 | Views: 459

Intercourse relies on male arousal. A man offers intercourse and a woman accepts. If a woman is reluctant to accept intercourse, a man can take rejection badly even if he knows there's a good reason. Women in turn feel pressured when they love a man.

Intercourse is not always even pleasurable for women:

• Intercourse can be described as rape- only men rape - women are raped

• Intercourse can also be painful for many women at some time in their lives

• Yet intercourse for some women is orgasmic- but only when they love a man

Women are unlikely to enjoy sex when it is associated with pain which, together with unrelenting pressure from a partner, should not be part of healthy relationship sex.

Men naturally find it difficult to comprehend why a woman would ever object to sex. This is very understandable because sex is almost always pleasurable for men. It is more disturbing that women themselves obstruct a more balanced portrayal of sex.

Despite the fact that women suffer emotionally and physically as a result of male sex drive, sexual ego causes some women to trivialise the experiences of their own sex.

Humans are naturally competitive. We hope that our experiences compare favourably with those of others. We also want to be reassured that we are 'normal'. Men cannot imagine sex not being pleasurable and women are simply acquiescing to their view.

Men need to differentiate between (1) a woman who claims that intercourse (or other activity with a partner) is orgasmic and (2) a woman who is willing to engage on adventurous sex play over the longer term. The two are not necessarily the same.

Kinsey pointed out that manipulating a partner's breasts, genitals and so on is arousing for men. Hence men offer foreplay in part to assist with their own arousal. Women don't have the same incentive to manipulate a man's body because it is not arousing for them. Hence why many women never volunteer any sexual pleasuring.

Young women cannot possibly imagine the challenge of a relationship spanning decades. They experience sex through spontaneous passion or romantic interludes. It is more difficult to understand why women in long-term relationships are unwilling to acknowledge the effort a woman needs to make in sex for her partner's benefit.

Not every couple has sexual issues. Some men are not highly sexed. Some women prefer to ignore any difference in sex drives rather than be put in the position of having to offer something. A woman's generosity as a lover depends on her lover's willingness to offer sensual pleasuring and on the quality of the wider relationship.

Just as a women appreciates a man who is companionable, a man appreciates a woman who responds sexually. We feel loved and appreciated when a partner makes effort in activities that are important to us because they are respecting our needs.

By Jane Thomas founder of www.WaysWomenOrgasm.org

Source: EzineArticles
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