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The Power Of Feeling Truly Grateful

February 18, 2012 | Comments: 0 | Views: 138

When I talk about a person's perception, I mean the view or opinion they take on a certain thing, person or anything they wish to have a view on. It's their personal perception. As free humans we all have the ability to view our own personal world and the real world as we see fit. A person living on the streets with only a newspaper and a park bench for shelter may view their world differently than you view yours.

Yet I have met thousands of people over my 30 plus years of teaching who no matter where they live still find a way to complain. These people come under the label of ungrateful. No matter where or what they have it still wouldn't make them grateful. So much of my work with people is to teach them how to be grateful again, because all of us were once grateful. That gratefulness was born in all of us no matter our colour or creed. Yet for many the life journey they have experienced has altered their own perception of how to be grateful.

Have you ever felt sad when something bad happened to others? Then followed that feeling up with feeling grateful that either it wasn't as bad as you first thought, or that you felt relieved it didn't happen to you or your loved ones? If we drive past a motor accident on the road, we slow down to see, then make sure we don't know the car and sometimes hold our breath when we recognise one of the cars involved in the accident. If we are wrong and it's no one we know we feel grateful, or if you don't here's lesson one, feel grateful.

When we start from a place of feeling grateful about who we are and where we are in our life it prevents powerful negative emotions taking over and it allows our heart and soul to be reached. A person with too much time on their hands will often arrive in my office complaining of depression or anxiety. What do you think they think about most? Would it be great wealth, how they will make a contribution to the world or maybe just help out in their local community? No these people think of all the bad things they can about their past, present and then finish the thought pattern with going to the future and putting negative thoughts in that too. Then they come and see me for help.

As you can see it's impossible to feel grateful and at peace with your life if you keep spending it thinking about negative memories or fearful futures. These people view their world sadly and with unhappiness most of the time, yet as you have already discovered so quickly, we can all change the way we feel fast.

So let me take you through how someone who has a very negative view of their world does it. First because they have plenty of time their mind wanders to negative thoughts. In order for them to trick their mind into believing this negative thought they have created some form of "void" in order to tell themselves to feel negative. For example if they were thinking how they have a lack of self-confidence, how do they know that to be true? I mean don't they first have to believe they haven't enough confidence? In order to do that they convince themselves they have a lack of something, in this case confidence. It could be anything they trick their mind into thinking they have a lack of. Only then can they tell themselves through the thoughts and then the chemical change in the body that they are now suffering a lack of self-confidence and therefore it would be impossible to feel grateful at the same moment.

So, as you can see to feel grateful you need to be able to access that feeling and access it as often as possible until it becomes a habit. Thankfully us humans are built to create habits, some better than others. We spoke about how some of us create Phobias, an irrational fear of things, which isn't a useful habit to form. Smoking is also the type of habit you can't do at the same time as tricking your mind into thinking you are a smart person. You can't be intelligent and smoke at the same moment can you?

When you come from a place of gratitude you have the foundation for an amazing life because it prevents negative thoughts getting in your way. Now I'm not suggesting for one moment that we don't all become unhappy or sad at some stage throughout our life. What I am saying is don't make it a habit, don't have a personal view of your life that is negative no matter what you feel like. Remember we can change our feelings.

Turning a perceived loss into a transition I had a man come to see me and tell me he couldn't get past the fact he had lost his marriage, it was over. He had spent almost two years trying to get over the breakup. Now for anyone on earth a marriage breakup has to be a terrible thing to go through, however if people walk in my office I figure it's time they moved on. So here is how I helped this sad man feel grateful.

"Did you once love each other", I asked. "Yes we did" he replied with tears rolling down his face. "Did you have any children together" I asked. "Yes we did" he again replied. "Did you have plenty of fun times as a family" I asked, his reply was the same. As his tears of sadness kept flowing, soon to be joined by my own tears if I wasn't careful, I began his transformation.

Slowly at first I made comments about how the marriage must have been so special. I also mentioned that I was sure that even though he and his ex wife were no longer together they would always be in a relationship being the best parents they could be. He began to tell me that he thought she was not a good mother. I quickly reminded him that his opinion was only according to him and that it was made from an unhappy heart. He agreed, wiping away his tears.

As I carried on my comments to him, (he had no idea of course what I was doing), I asked him to begin to think of all the good times he'd had with his children in the past and then I asked him how often he saw his children now. "Not very often" was his answer. I asked him if he thought it was his duty to see his children as much as possible because even in his pain his children needed him now more than ever. He agreed. The quality and type of questions I asked is the key here!

He mentioned his 18 year-old daughter and I quickly asked him if it would be he who walked this daughter down the wedding aisle. He smiled for the first time and my time to teach this man gratitude was upon us. I told him a story about how I helped a man once in a similar position, in fact that year alone I saw over 340 men who had lost their marriages also. He was very surprised, which helped unlock his sadness and allowed us to release it.

I told him I had helped this man by asking him to list as many benefits as he could think of now that the marriage was over. This man I was sat next to who was an hour earlier crying was now writing down benefits of his marriage ending instead of feeling sorry for himself. As he listed them he even told me they used to argue so loud and often during the last 5 years of their marriage they should have broken up earlier.

I've heard that so many times of course, but as this man was listing all these benefits he wasn't realising that every time he listed another he was giving his brain and his neuro pathways a new reason to feel grateful. By the time we were finished this man had a new life to look forward to. He was smiling and looking forward to calling his children. He had in fact written so many reasons as to why it was a good thing to end the marriage that he had now convinced himself. All I had to do was clean up some shame and guilt he had over some things which were very easily collapsed. When the why is large enough, the how to move forward takes care of itself.

He left feeling grateful because he had now learned from his relationship. He had wonderful children and he had a new perspective on his own life. Whatever grief you have or had in your life, write down at least 150 benefits as to why it was a good thing. Yes there are always two sides to every life event.

Patrick McNally PhD Author Therapist Business Strategist

Patrick has a PhD in Psychology, is a trained Clinical Hypnotherapist, an NLP Practitioner and is one of the worlds leading Change Clinicians and operates a private practice on three continents. UK, USA, Australia. He is a regular media commentator, appearing on Breakfast and Morning TV as well as taking calls from listeners on the many Radio talk back shows he appears on. He has featured in Pilot TV Shows on Fears and Phobias.

Patrick has been described as a cross between Dr Phil and Robbin Williams.

He is a Master Public Speaker and uses his sharp wit and infectious humour to it's full extent, offering audiences worldwide, laughter, fun, entertainment and knowledge.

He has become known worldwide for his amazing 60 second challenge, where he guarantees to change the way a client feels in under 60 seconds. Having performed this on TV and Radio.

His programs sell worldwide. For further details go to his products page.

Source: EzineArticles
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