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Relationships: A Meaning of Purpose

March 19, 2012 | Comments: 0 | Views: 156

"Love and safety create joy - fear and reactivity cause pain."

Fear and love cannot co-exist in the same relationship space.

Reactivity and safety cannot co-exist in the same relationship space.

These simple yet powerful statements are the basis for the philosophy of SHOW UP! I want to illuminate that this meaning of purpose applies to all four realms of relationships in our lives. 1) Inner Self, 2) Intimate, 3) Personal - children, family and friends, 4) Professional

When our mind is focused on fear, we will have reactive thoughts, emotions and behaviors. When fear and reactivity infect a relationship, these malignant characteristics will squeeze out the feelings of love and the thoughts of safety. When this happens, joy is transformed into pain.

When fear and reactivity begin to dominate a relationship, the condition of NOTC will slowly take over the space and we will live in a world of confusion, disconnection and pain. The acronym NOTC stands for negativity, obstruction, turmoil and conflict. When individuals, couples, teams and organizations are stuck in the quagmire of this malady, the prognosis for the relationship is critical, if not terminal.

Reactivity is defined as the manifestation and projection of rigid and/or chaotic thoughts, emotions and behaviors. This condition is exemplified by the "I" centric thoughts of denying, blaming, accusing, assuming, creating agendas, having expectations, posing obligations, rationalizing, justifying, holding biased perspectives, and attaching disempowered meanings

These habitual relational thought traits keep people trapped in a victim perspective that breeds more fear and reactivity. When we are focused on fear and become reactive, we cause our relationship to enter into a cycle of NOTC that will increase in intensity and frequency and if not stopped, will ultimately consume the relationship.

If we want to stop the spread of this vicious relationship killer, we need a strategy that helps us to remain flexible and creates real, lasting inner change. The best way for us to cure the condition of NOTC caused by our decisions from fear and reactivity is to embrace the true purpose for relationships.

This meaning of purpose is exemplified by the Three Principles of SHOW UP! These principles present a path for us to follow to achieve our goal of living life with peace, purpose and passion while enjoying relationships that are healthy, happy and harmonious.

Principle #1 - The ebb and flow of how we generate, receive and share information and energy determines the success of our relationships.

Principle #2 - We accept absolute personal responsibility for our decisions regarding our thoughts, emotions and behaviors.

Principle #3 - The primary purpose for relationships is to challenge us to grow by living with the intention to learn, stretch, change, inspire and contribute.

Relationships are living, breathing laboratories that give us the wonderful opportunity to challenge ourselves to grow. The law of nature states that either things grow or they die. I like to say that "We do not stop growing and changing until we are six feet under."

Unfortunately, many people choose instead to continue in an inner cycle of pain, remain a victim and deny, blame, accuse and assume events, others and themselves for their current situation. This decision to give our personal power away, to be helpless, only leads us to experience more fear, reactivity and pain.

Finding the courage to crumble our defenses, to be humble and break the chains of denial and disempowerment are the first steps on our path to authenticity, a peaceful soul and empowered loving relationships.

Each one of us has our stories and pain from our past. The thick fog of NOTC - negativity, obstruction, turmoil, conflict - can blind us to the honesty, beauty and reality of the present moment.

It is our choice whether we allow our fears and disempowering beliefs from the past to direct our thoughts, emotions and behaviors in a way that brings us love, clarity and joy or creates confusion, disconnection and pain.

2012 - All rights reserved - Glenn Cohen - I & WE Coaching

Glenn Cohen is an acclaimed coach, speaker and author. His practice encompasses Personal, Couples, Divorce and Business Coaching. Glenn also conducts workshops, speeches and seminars for companies, civic, religious organizations and other associations on how to help people live authentically, with a peaceful soul while enjoying emotionally intelligent relationships at home, at work, and within the self.

Glenn resides in Charleston, South Carolina, where he runs his private coaching practice. You may contact him at 843-852-9828 or his website, I & WE Coaching

Source: EzineArticles
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