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How Undesirable Are You?

January 23, 2012 | Comments: 0 | Views: 148

In the world of relationships, there are perhaps very few things that are more devastating than being left by someone you cared about. If you have experienced this, particularly more than once, it is natural to wonder if there is something wrong with you.

This line of thinking can be self-defeating if it beckons you to a pity party. However, there is no harm in inspecting yourself honestly, in the privacy of your own heart. After all, think about it--maintaining a relationship involves making investments. So, in order for your partner to desire be with you in the long haul, he or she must see something desirable in you. Otherwise, why should he or she be willing to keep you around?

Here are a few central traits for you to consider. They give you a brief look as to how undesirable you are in the eyes of a potential mate.

1. Breaking your words

Did you agree on having him pick you up at 5, only to make him wait until 6 because you'd lost track of time and had to wash your hair and find that favorite skirt and iron it and feed the cat on top of it? Breaking your promise is highly unattractive. After all, if your partner can't trust your words, why should he or she trust you?

2. Having loose lips

When she shared a sensitive issue with you, do you then tell your brother (or gym buddy, or roommate, or anybody else) about it? Do you know what your partner considers to be sensitive topics? If you don't, clarify it with him or her. Knowing what should be kept within your relationship versus what can be shared with the outside world tells your partner that you are a safe place.

3. Comparing yourself with another

Do you bug your significant other about whether you are better than his or her ex? Do you quiz him afterwards whenever he goes to lunch with his female coworkers? This type of behavior will only tip your hand as to how insecure you feel in relation to those you consider to be competition. Insecurity drives potential suitors away like the plague!

4. Throwing temper tantrums

Whether he forgot your birthday or she did something against your advice, this individual whom you were so in love with will eventually let you down. What you do in the wake of this disappointment is telling. If you react in a hissy fit, or if you throw around "I told you so's" easily when your partner makes a mistake, you may just effectively tell him or her that you are not worth keeping. Reacting in this manner shows that you care more about your feelings than your partner's. And who would want to be with a self-centered individual like that?

If you find yourself relating to these scenarios, don't despair. Use these pointers as key issues for you to work on before embarking on your next romantic relationship.

Dr. Audrey Maslim is a licensed psychologist in California (PSY 22815). Her PhD is in Clinical Psychology. Dr. Maslim provides individual and couples psychotherapy to adults from the Southern California area. Visit her online at You can also access her website there.

Source: EzineArticles
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