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Removing Conflicts in Your Family - Component 2

June 13, 2012 | Comments: 0 | Views: 157

We mentioned six components which must be evident in our family relationships in order to promote family unity. These components are the keys to correcting failures, and instituting a powerful multi-generational legacy of success. In this article, we will elaborate further on the second component which involves a trainable attitude.

The definition of training is to exercise; to discipline; to teach and form by practice; to draw from act to act by persuasion or promise.

The trainable component of removing conflict from our families and injecting unity unfortunately flies in the face of this era and generation of parenting. Strangely, this generation of parents thinks that true familial unity is best accomplished by avoiding confrontations at all cost. That mentality cannot be further from the truth. In fact due to this approach, rarely are the lines of distinction (top-down) between parents and children apparent. This attitude in many cases results in the displayed maturity of some parents being worse than their children's. Some parents are literally afraid to exhibit their parental duties, and have instead chosen to pursue more of a role of companion or friendship, especially when dealing with teenagers. I intend to expose the faults of such misguided thoughts today.

The ultimate reality of training, especially in the context of the family, greatly involves the roles of the "very experienced" in collaboration with the "less experienced". The ultimate goal however is to create within a child (less experienced) core set of truths that is frequently revisited, and thereby establishes a consistent moral response when faced with a decision (Proverbs 22:6). Consider this excerpt from a book:

"My wife and I are almost ten years into a very successful marriage restoration, and we have been incredibly blessed as a result. With the addition of children, we are joyously making our adjustments to the Bambolo legacy that will be passed on. The adjustments are primarily determined by the era and community in which we find ourselves. We do not live in the parenting era my parents did and neither will our children live in ours. As such, we have to observe negative concerns and positive promises that family trends indicate of the future and train our children to navigate them well. One key ingredient of the legacy handed down by my parents is their everyday commitment and service to the Word of God and the church. I have firmly embraced that reality for my family. However, the era in which I live has demanded that I take it one step further beyond the denominational family traditions. It demands a deliberate, daily, and active study of God's Word so as to clearly distinguish and refute the intelligent subtleties of false doctrine."

The trainable component for restoring family unity re-enforces what an out-of-this-world wise Man once said, "The pupil is not above his teacher, but everyone, after he has been fully trained, will be like his teacher... The good man out of the treasure of his heart brings forth what is good; and the evil man out of the evil treasures brings forth what is evil; for his mouth speaks from that which fills his heart."

The trainable component also requires and introduces the thought of discipline. At its administration, discipline never feels good but is rather uncomfortable, and at times downright painful. Its purpose is for correction and reproof, and not fear and abuse. However, those who have been properly trained with structured discipline always experience great confidence, peace, endurance in hardship, and conviction about that which was given to them. Purposeful conviction empowers our children to reject the subtle destructive doctrines which lurk to rob them of the healthy instructions we gave.

While this next excerpt from the same book begins with the focus of a firstborn son, it exhibits a father's pursuit of discipline and winning the hearts of all of his children in a structured and orderly manner. You will also learn of the results he achieved. It all comes down to teaching, correcting, and training for morally righteous living which promotes long term stability and security for multi-generational family legacy. The focus and our investment as parents must be about the all-encompassing health and development of the "less experience", our children.

"Emotional control is very vital to the nature of the firstborn son and is a huge compliment to his leadership quality. I truly attribute my understanding of this nature and component of my personality to the upbringing my dad instilled when it came to discipline. He really demanded responsible and matured thinking from each of us quite early. All of my siblings seem to possess similar subdued responses to challenging incidents rather than being reactive. So it must be his doing. My dad was not a big fan of spanking as a disciplinary action, but when he did spank, we knew he was dishing out something fierce. When we disobeyed, he asked us to imagine each of us had a long rope that connected us to him.

Depending on how severe an incident it was, we just cut a piece of that rope which subsequently got us closer to him. The incident that cut the last piece and consumed the rope got us up close and personal with him was the one that initiated a spanking. His wish was that his children, as he described it, would shoulder their own problems. In other words, he was not going to utilize spanking on every incident to cultivate mature thinking and behavior in his kids. He expected us to use a matured behavior and thought process when faced with a situation rather than fear as a motivator. That really taught us to take responsibility for our actions. He always noted to us and to his students, as dean of discipline, that beating or spanking is for horses because it makes them run harder. He expected us to examine our actions and resolve the issue, or make sure it didn't happen again if our actions could not be corrected. I believe that thoughtful approach caused us each to avoid reactive behaviors. I cannot hesitate to note as Scripture says in Proverbs 13:24, spare the rod and spoil the child, that at some level fear of my dad's spanking was enough to make us pursue maturity at an early age."

Ezechiel is an author, speaker, and radio host who focuses on the strategic importance of family legacy. He was born and raised in Liberia, West Africa. Please visit his blog to explore a variety of additional resources.

Source: EzineArticles
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