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Am I a Lousy Mother?

June 06, 2012 | Comments: 0 | Views: 170

I had to write SOMETHING given this crazy chatter about Ann Romney 'never having worked a day in her life'. I'm a relatively new mom to a 3 yr old. I had my son when I was 37 years old. Kind of on the later side of the equation. I had my son after having spent an extraordinary amount of time, energy, and passion establishing myself in one of the most fantastic industry sectors out there - private equity. (Yes, private equity, the same private equity that Mit himself founded Bain Capital and earned a fortune!)

I was/am a high roller, high spender, travel the world in fancy clothes kind of gal. And then came my son.

Among my private equity circles (or really any of my circles), I'm considered tenacious and incredibly hard working, a very hard charging, spirited person. Let me tell you, my son exhausts me - spending all day with him is way more tiresome than working a long day.

I'm incredibly fortunate just like Ann. I have a husband whose career is thriving and so I don't HAVE to earn income. But we are making different choices. In my view Ann Romney is a Saint - she must be, because any woman who can raise 5 children on a full-time basis and have them enter the world as well-adjusted and successful as hers is a SAINT. She should be knighted in England! How did she do it? What was the magic? Her Dharma - calling in life - could be motherhood - she's really good at it and she must love it because you're never successful or happy doing something that you don't love through and through.

That being said, not all people should be full-time moms - the work involved entails cooking healthy food (and begging them to eat it!), spending time outdoors, taking the children to exercise, engaging them in varied activities for learning like music/art, reading books, singing songs, dancing, teaching them basic life skills... .on and on and on. If that stuff makes your heart sing, than be that stay at home mom! Otherwise, try to find your sattva - your balance.

I love my son, more than life itself. He's adorable (most of the time). But being a full-time mom isn't my Dharma, its not my calling in life, my love, my passion and as a result it wouldn't be good for my son or for me to spend 100% of my time with him. So, I think I'm a good mom because I surround him with the people, activities, environments to make him a happy, healthy, engaged little person with a strong inner core. That doesn't mean 100% me-time. I keep attuned to his moods and behaviors and base my decisions on making sure his inner core remains strong. In my view, a strong inner core full of vitality and love is the best measure of the health and well-being of my child. But I do think I may have smothered him with more kisses than any mother in the world! And working out the right balance, sattva, remains a constant struggle for me - I have no magic ball or great answers about this one.

Now regarding the 'never worked a day in her life' comment. As is any provocative statement, it is full of 'other stuff' in this case its full of anger and resentment. Anger is a secondary emotion to something else - typically sadness or fear. Now the woman who said this I understand is a single, working-mom with 2 kids. So, given that she does understand the work involved in raising kids, I can only surmise that she is deep down sad about her situation because she HAS to generate income on a full-time basis to support her family. I can't imagine being in her shoes, responsible for all the income and all the child care. That must be incredibly challenging to juggle.

Most of the women that I know in that situation, and I know many of them, recollect with tears in their eyes moments they missed with their kids due to their work - it makes me feel sadness and compassion for them.

An investment professional yogini, Tarra serves others by teaching yoga asana, philosophy and other life lessons in the classroom, on her video series, and in writing on her blog ( ). Tarra offers years of wisdom regarding yogic living, nutrition, sustainability and roles of working women and mothers. Tarra also combines her financial and yoga expertise by advising and supporting entrepreneurs in the LOHAS sector.

Source: EzineArticles
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