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Survival of a Marriage

August 11, 2012 | Comments: 0 | Views: 315

There is a great divide when trouble arise, and you do not have faith in God and trust in him for your marriage. The key is to always put God first in every part of your life. I am speaking from experience because my husband and I were married back in 1980. Let me tell you this, we loved each other a great deal, but we were young and we were not seeking Christ at the time.  We dated for two years and then married.  We were separated in just three months after we married. I was devastated. There were a lot of things going on with his family, secrets that he chose not to share with me. We had moved into an apartment that needed a lot of work, the people who had lived there before us left with an outstanding gas bill, and we didn't have any gas and I was not able to cook.


Eating out everyday had become routine for us. Cold cereal for breakfast, juice or toast was about the size of it. My husband's name was and still is Jesus, yes we remarried in 2004, and you will soon find out how it happened. When Jesus and I met, I had a three year old daughter, her name is Cindy. My mother watched her for me while I worked. I worked in retail, sometimes I had to work late and my husband would pick up Cindy from mom's after he left work.  One day while dropping Cindy off, mom said that Jesus told her that he wanted a divorce.  My mother called me and told me about it, and of course I was shocked!, to say the least since he hadn't mentioned a word to me. I couldn't believe what I was hearing, I asked my mom the reason why, and she said that he told her that he didn't want to be married anymore. When (Jessy) my husband finally sat down to talk to me, he told me that he had made an hasty decision regarding marriage, and that we should have waited longer.

I asked him why didn't he tell me this before we got married and he said that I was so happy,  and he didn't want to hurt me.  I was hurt almost beyond repair. After we separated, I almost lost my job. I was put on probation, because I was missing so many days of work. I didn't let my manager or co-workers in on what was going on I just pretended that everything was just fine. Not only did I have to deal with the hurt and pain, but I was embarrassed to tell them that I was separated after just three months of marriage. I could barely function on my job.  My daughter was nearly five years of age very young, but she knew that something was wrong.  I took care of her, I didn't neglect her but I just didn't have any zest for life anymore. I would come home after work, feed her, give her some toys to play with and just lay in bed in the dark in a fetal position. I was grieving for my husband as if he had died. I was so hurt and confused, so down about my marriage. One day my manager called me into the office and asked me what was wrong.

 I told her that there wasn't anything wrong, she told me that I had to be put on probation because of the number of days that I had missed, along with all of the days that I was late. I was given a three month probation, as if I was just starting a new job. The manager told me that I could not miss a day of work, and I could not be tardy for the entire three months. I think that somehow this news put be back on track. I began to focus because I really needed my job. I had to take care of my little girl. I had to try and put Jessy in the back of my mind, and concentrate on my work. Jessy and I drifted apart, he had told me with great sadness that everything was for the best. I just couldn't understand why he was so sad if he felt that everything was for the best!. I had to accept it but my heart was broken completely!. I was never angry with him or bitter after he told me he wanted the divorce, I was just so sad, and I felt so empty inside. I made it through my probationary period.

Two years past and Jessy lost his mother in 1982. I spoke with her on the phone shortly before she became ill and I asked her if she had approved of the marriage. She told me that she really cared about me, but told me that she didn't want us to get married. It really hurt me to hear those words, but I still loved her. She had always treated me so kind. Although Jessy and I were legally separated, my parents and I attended his mother's funeral. We tried to ignite the passion that we once had, but to no avail. I had been hurt so deeply, that I was afraid to open my heart to him again. I felt that he was trying to work through his grief, at the loss of his mother. The attempt failed and we stopped communicating. I went on with my life even though Jessy and I had not gotten a divorce. I also met another man in "82", his name was Matthew. My girlfriend had convinced me to attend this party with her, she told me that it was time for me to get out of the house. I really didn't want to go, but she finally persuaded me. I got involved with him on the rebound, which is never a wise thing to do. I eventually had two sons with this man. He moved in with me after I had our first son.

I found out that he was cheating on me, and we broke up. I started seeing him again briefly, and became pregnant with our second child. I decided to take a breather, and not date for a while. I wanted to get a divorce since I had children with someone other than my husband. Since we had been separated for six years, I felt that it was time to sever ties. I wasn't financially able to obtain a divorce. I put the idea on the back burner. In "86" Jessy came to my apartment, on the hunch that I would still be living here.  He asked me to take him back and I refused him again. Four years had past since I had last seen him. I still felt as if I couldn't open my heart to him, I still loved him even though I had two sons by someone else. The hurt that I was still carrying inside of me just wouldn't let me say yes. I really wanted to say yes, but I was so afraid that he would leave me again especially now that I had three children, and none of them were his.

Jessy was very disappointed with my answer and said that he understood, we parted company. It would be five years before him and I would see each other again. In the year (1991) I realized that I had to do something about getting a divorce, I finally found an attorney to represent me  Pro-bono. Ironically Jessy took another chance, that I still lived at the same address. One day he appeared at my doorstep, I had been trying to find a way to contact him but I never had any luck. Jessy told me that he needed to divorce me because he was getting married.  I was a little surprised, but I congratulated him and told him that I had been trying to reach him. It was so ironic that the both of us had wanted to get the divorce around the same time. We both agreed that it was time for us to get on with our lives. Guess what!, on June 21st 1991, Jessy came to pick me up, and we went to the courthouse together on the day of our divorce, we were always kind to one another after our separation.

There were never any yelling, or harsh words between us. The divorce was finally granted, and I felt a sigh of relief!. I felt that way since so much had happened during the years that we were apart. Before we said our goodbyes, we hugged and wished each other the best!. This would be the last time that we would see each other until (13 yrs. later) when we remarried. As I mentioned earlier, we remarried in "2004". I am going to go back in time a little, and then  will bring you up to speed. I met Jessy at a hospital in (1978) the spring, we both worked in environmental service. Jessy buffed floors and I cleaned patient's rooms. Jessy approached me one day, we started talking, exchanged numbers, eventually we started dating. We dated for two years before we got married. We always had so much fun together, and had so much in common.

Jessy has a great sense of humor, and I as well. He was always so kind and  sweet, his nickname was "sweetie" by the way. He always said to me that I had doe eyes, and my nickname became "Bambi". We loved each others company so much!. Jessy proposed to me in (1979) the winter, I said yes of course. We are now engaged, and we made plans to be married. The wedding took place May 31st, 1980. It was beautiful, I wore a beautiful gown, had a lovely rose bouquet, and I had a tiara of roses that had been sewn to my wedding veil. There was a guitarist that played at our wedding. I wanted our song to be "With You I'm Born Again" by: Billy Preston & Syreeta, but we could not find a duet to sing it.  The ceremony was lovely just the same. My mother told me that Jessy's father had been crying during the ceremony, but I found out later that the tears that he was shedding was not tears of joy!.

His parents always treated me so kind, and I never had a clue that they didn't want Jessy and I to walk down the aisle together. Jessy's father (Isabel) was strongest against the marriage. As I mentioned earlier, when Jessy and I met I already had a three year old daughter. I was 24 yrs. of age when I met Jessy, and he was only 21 yrs. of age. They say that women mature faster, and I believe this to be true in most cases. I believe that they felt as if I hadn't given Jessy time to enjoy his youth, he was after all taking on a great deal of responsibility at such a young age. I didn't think about any of this at the time, all I knew is that I was deeply in love with him. I was always sad whenever we were apart, and extremely happy when we were together. Jessy's parents helped us to find the apartment that we lived in, and I wonder if it was all a part of the plan that led to our untimely separation. "The Reuniting Of Jesus And Christina".

The apartment was very shabby and I don't think that Jessy's parents had intended for us to live there very long. It is now (2003) the year it all began to unfold. One afternoon in June, I was at work (Marshall Field's St. Street) standing in front of my work area. I would say that this happened between 12:00 noon and 2:00 P.M. I was talking to a co-worker, when I happened to catch a glimpse of a young man walking past. He walked right past me and I only had a chance to glance into his eyes for like a split second. He never looked at me as he walked past, and as he continued to walk I said to my co-worker, that guy look like my ex- husband's nephew Brandon. Jessy and I have now been divorced for 13 years. I will get back to this in just a moment, in part three I told you that Jessy was getting married, what I didn't tell you was that I also remarried. Jessy must have married in 1991 or soon after that. I married in 1997 and both of our spouses were unfaithful to us, and that is how both of our marriages ended in divorce for the second time.

Now to continue the story, somehow I felt that the Lord spoke to my heart, because I was so sure that this man was Brandon, and the last time that I had seen Brandon he was only eight years of age and that was when my parents and I had attended the funeral of Jessy's mother. My co-worker said that he had seen the young man in the store once before, and that he had once asked him for directions. I said well I really believe that this is my ex-husband's nephew Brandon. He said I am going to catch up to him and ask if his name is Brandon. I added, and ask him if he has an uncle named Jessy. In a matter of minutes they were headed back to the cosmetic counter. It was Brandon, he didn't know who I was and I didn't expect for him to, since he was just (8 yrs. old) a child the last time that I had seen him. He was amazed at the fact that I recognized him. I told him who I was. 

Christina was on my name badge, and he only knew me as "Aunt Chrissy".  I said to him Brandon this is your "Aunt Chrissy" and I gave him a hug. He told me that Jessy was divorced. I felt really happy inside when he told me this, and another sigh of relief!. He asked me if I was married and I said yes, but I told him that I was trying to obtain a divorce.  He asked for my phone number and said that he would give it to Jessy. I said okay and I gave him the number. Time past, and I hadn't seen Brandon since the day that we had met. I began to wonder why I never received a call from Jessy. One night when I was on the train heading home, the train made the regular stop at "Roosevelt" and when the doors opened, Brandon stepped inside. We were both glad to see one another, he told me that Jessy knew about our encounter, and he also told Jessy that he asked for my number, and he told Jessy where I worked.

Jessy asked him for the number and he said that he had lost it. Jessy had called the store trying to find out where I worked, he asked for "Chrissy" and no one knew me by that name. He didn't know my married name and asked for me by my maiden name, and again no one recognized the name. He was upset with Brandon for losing the number, and this is the reason why I had never received a phone call from him. Brandon asked me for my number again and this time Jessy called me. I was very happy to hear from him and he was happy as well. Jessy told me that his father was ill and of course I was sorry to hear the news. I told him that I had lost my father, and a sister. We talked a few times and then silence. I stopped hearing from him, I was puzzled and I didn't understand what was going on. Time continued to pass, and when we were talking we had exchanged numbers so I decided to call him but the number was out of service. One day I was getting ready for work  and the phone rang, it was Jessy.

The few times that we had spoken he told me that his father, sister, and his brother who was a little older than him knew that we had been in touch. He said that his father was happy to hear it and his brother was very excited about it. His brother and I got along very well during our relationship and our marriage. Jessy sadly told me that his father had passed away, and of course they had to take care of funeral arrangements. I knew that his father was ill, I was still saddened by the news, but the shocker was that his brother had an untimely death. They had died less than a month apart. One evening he and his wife were at the movies, Jessy said that his wife turned to glance at him and he was lying back in his chair unresponsive, he was taken to the hospital but was D.O.A., I couldn't believe what I was hearing. His brother was a Dr. and owned a family practice, I had been excited about the chance to re-unite with him. I now understood why I hadn't heard from Jessy. When we had ended the call, I just sat on the edge of my bed and began to cry.

I was so heart broken, and I couldn't began to imagine what Jessy must have been going through. He and his brother was so close, and he told me that he received the news of his brother's death from his nephew Brandon, whom he said just blurted out the news without preparing him for what he was about to hear. Jessy said that he was in denial and didn't believe Brandon, and when he found out that it was true he just lost it. He said that he was so hurt and so angry at the news. He was so distraught and he just felt alone and helpless!. By the time he had contacted me his father and brother had been laid to rest. We talked about how he had lost his Mother, father, and brother. I had already told him that I had lost my father, and sister, but I hadn't told him that her son had died six years after she had passed away. My sister was 42, her son was 24, and Jessy's brother was 47, even in death we had much in common.

We had lost loved ones whom had touched our lives so deeply. We finally arranged a time to meet, and I was so nervous, that I had to ask my son to talk to Jessy and give him directions. We met on a Tuesday, ironically we both had the same day off. I was anticipating his arrival, and when the doorbell rang, I peaked through the door to look at him out of curiosity before I opened the door. He was just as handsome as ever. We embraced and then we walked to the living room and sat on the sofa. We held hands while we talked, and all of the feelings that I thought had disappeared came rushing back. I guess that there must have always been a flicker, that was now turning into a flame. Jessy and I went down memory lane, and he explained to me the real reason why he had asked me for a divorce.

There had been serious family issues, and he was afraid for his mother's life, and made the decision to return home. He was embarrassed to tell me about it , and thought that asking for a divorce would be easier. His mother didn't want us to get married, but it was because she was afraid for Jessy to leave home, because she would be left there alone with all the family drama, and he was always the one who could calm things down. I said to him, yes Jessy I was extremely hurt when you made the decision to end our marriage, but since you decided to make the choice, I am glad that it was for the love of your mother. I told him that my marriage would finalize on March 30th, 2004. We spent time together every chance that we could, and the kisses came, and the romance rekindled. We finally decided that we wanted a second chance at love, we knew that we did not need to go through a courtship, and since we were starting anew we did the unthinkable, we decided to remarry on the day that we had gotten our divorce, June 21st. We didn't want that date to be embedded in our memory as something that had failed, we wanted it to become a day of  celebration and happiness and that is exactly what happened.

Jessy and I had come full circle, my mom was elated and the entire family was happy for us, they all loved Jessy. We needed each other, and we knew that God had re-united us at a time in our lives when we could really connect. We did not have a church wedding but we did get married at the church. My Pastor married us, and when we left the church, it was pouring rain and I told Jessy that this was our wedding showers!, he laughed at that. My daughter gave us a reception, it was like a fairytale. I had never gone to the prom, so I wore a powder blue gown with with blue sandals with rhinestone crystal. I wore a blue pin in my hair that was shaped like a star, which was very fitting because I definitely had stars in my eyes. Jessy wore a white and powder blue tux, with tails. He was so handsome, he looked just like a prince and I must say I looked like a princess. One of my co-workers created a story book with pictures from our past and present. We went on our honeymoon, and as they say the rest is history. I am happy to say that we will be celebrating our eight year anniversary June 21st on Thursday!. This is a story about "The survival of a marriage" the end. Well really the beginning!.


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