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Book Summary: How to Make People Like You in 90 Seconds or Less - Written by Nicholas Boothman

January 17, 2012 | Comments: 0 | Views: 169

Relationships and connection is critical and is a core human need. Belonging is part of Maslow's hierarchy of needs. One of the fastest growing technology company's and the youngest billionaire in history is Facebook & Mark Zuckerberg. The whole concept of the site is simply connecting with other people. Facebook has a value of $50 Billion. This topic is a big deal. The secret of success is not very hard to figure out. The better you are at connecting with other people, the better the quality of your life.

Why is this important to me?

This begs additional questions:

1.) Are you where you want to be in your career? I used to think that communications majors in college were the easiest and quickest way to get a degree with little value. Needless to say, I was WRONG. Communicating and connecting with co-workers, customers, suppliers and other partners is critical if you want to excel in your career. We have all sat through bad business presentations. Think about it - Why were they bad? Typically the person giving it was reading it, not making eye contact and not expressing passion toward the end game.

2.) Are you shy and nervous about networking? I have a lot of respect for people who can walk into a room and hold conversations with strangers. Highly successful salespeople tend to be really good at this. For the other 80% of the population this is as nerve racking as public speaking and death. The ideas in this book will help overcome these fears.

3.) Do you understand how people process information and learn? There are three dominate forms for how people process information and learn. They are Visual, Auditory and Kinesthetic. In a nutshell, people process either through their eyes (Visual), through their ears (auditory) and/or through feelings (Kinesthetic)

This book is broken down into three parts. I will touch on each part in summary for this review. The first section is First Contact

1.Benefits of connecting- A Harvard Medical study showed that people who lack social and community ties are almost three times more likely to die of medical illness than those who have more extensive contacts.

2. Why 90 seconds- People make judgments very quickly. It is the fight or flight primal instinct that is responsible for this. This is why bad first impressions are hard to overcome.

3. Communicating - People need to understand that the meaning of communication lies in the RESPONSE it gets. This is very simple yet brilliant.

Building rapport is critical for successful relationships.

1.) A real useful attitude is far more effective when building rapport. Having an open mind and a positive outlook will bear more fruit then being closed off and guarded. Remember people make snap decisions based on energy, body language and tonality.

2.) Actions speak louder than words - We all know that talk is cheap and people either do what they say or they don't. In this context, your body language speaks louder than your words. Mixed messages and flirting are probably the two biggest examples of this.

3.) People like people like themselves - People as a whole are self-centered. Again this is by design for survival. The best way you can build rapport with people in another country is to simply attempt to speak their language. This is a thoughtful gesture and people appreciate the effort. Dale Carnegie's book How to Win Friends and Influence People really dives into great detail on this subject. Perhaps we will profile this book in a future summary.

Three secrets of communication that Nicholas points out are the following:

1. Listening - Active listening is imperative for successful relationships. It is almost comical how well this works to create bonding and rapport with people. Active Listening means actually listening and NOT waiting to talk. There is a big difference. This becomes readily apparent in couples getting a divorce. Neither spouse is listening when they argue but are at an emotional level of shouting to make a point. Active listening leads to enlighten and true understanding. You can engage your whole body in listening and being attentive in the conversation.

2. Power of Questions - To enhance active listening, use open ended questions to dig into the details of the conversation you are having. Avoid questions like: Do you, Are you, Is it etc. this leads to a YES/NO answer with no room to expand. Instead ask leading questions like: How did that happen? What was the outcome?, Tell me about....... These open ended questions along with active listening will make you a great conversationalists with very little talking. Be real - Remember the primal instincts that we talked about earlier. This is basically the BS detector. You need to be truly interested in the person you are talking to. This does not mean you need to agree and roll over when you don't. Be true to yourself as well.

3. Sensory Channels - We chatted earlier about Auditory, Visual and Kinesthetic learners. Paying attention to eye movements and words will give you clues to what the dominate learning of the person you are talking to. There is a lot of information on NLP (Nero-Linguistic Programming) which we won't cover. One thing to take away according to the book - "The eyes server two purposes: one, roving around to see what is going on and two, activating sensory memory channels.

I hope you have found this short summary useful. The key to any new idea is to work it into your daily routine until it becomes habit. Habits form in as little as 21 days. I highly recommend you read this book and put the principles in place. One thing to make a habit is saying hello to people you see and walk past. I know this sounds corny, but do it and it will build your confidence in approaching people. My assumption on this is really simple: most people fear talking to strangers and thus will simply walk by you. Once you greet them, then they will remember you (assuming they see you again - at a store, gym etc.). Also, you may have a perception that the people that don't say hi are either jerks or conceited. Most people are not like this and the ones that are you can chalk up to a lesson.

Remember - Do the thing and you shall have the power!

Joe Mosed invites you to subscribe to to receive free video book summaries. Our vision at Success Progress is to provide relevant & meaningful content to our user community. To view the video summary of this article please visit

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