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Why Forgiveness Can Feel Difficult

April 24, 2012 | Comments: 0 | Views: 120

So often people think they have forgiven themselves and others but they really haven't.

Without true forgiveness we can't let go and move on. We end up dragging around unresolved hurts and disappointments in our heart, on our bodies, and that haunt our thoughts.

There is no resolution because there is no peace. And because relationships are the cornerstone of our life experiences, we are continually given experiences that break our hearts open for deeper compassion and love.

Below are some questions I am often asked....

* How can I forgive myself for making choices that has created pain my life? (financial hardship, abandoned dreams, loss of self...)

It's easy to feel good about ourselves when our life is going the way we want, isn't it. We habitually assign labels of good and bad to life experiences and give power to those experiences to be the source of our inner happiness. Consider this:

A person who loses their job may now have the opportunity to pursue a lifelong dream. Perhaps the work they were doing was joyless and they were too frightened to leave and follow a deeper passion.

Or a person who made decisions that created a financial hardship is provided the opportunity to resolve a ton of past pain, strengthen their relationship and trust with God and align with the deeper purpose of their life that is rich with prosperity and love (as I have).

Consider these two questions:

1. What if the decisions you made that created this situation, that you thought was Divinely inspired or right for you at the time, was really directed by your ego's fear (or some other story created by the mind), Could you forgive yourself?

2. What if this situation was designed for the sole purpose of waking you up and bringing your closer to your Divine? Could you forgive yourself?

The answers to those questions can create a powerful transformational shift!

* How can I forgive someone who has been the source of so much pain for me and others?

Who among us has not behaved poorly, betrayed another, crossed boundaries, hurt another and done things that have brought out the most wounded parts of ourselves with another as well as against ourselves?

For centuries humanity has existed in intense darker energies of pain and fear. Now we are coming brilliantly into the Light and awakening to our true nature of Love.

Towards those who you feel wronged and violated by, take a moment to imagine what must have happened to that person as a child to have turned them into the deeply wounded person they have become. And be willing to ask that same question of yourself if you struggle with self-forgiveness?

Injustices, violations, betrayals can feel like personal attacks and the truth is, most times they are not personal while having a personal impact. As the receiver, you are experiencing the other person's pain that is being projected onto you.

The ability to see beyond the other person's action, even those viewed as horrible, as the result of deep inner pain, open the heart to greater compassion and healing. This is a process.....

Forgiveness does not mean that what happened did not matter or have an impact on your life. Forgiveness allows you to come to peace within yourself by accepting what happened without resistance and "coming home" to who you really are - a brilliant Light and presence that nothing can ever extinguish. What you surrender is your reaction.

There was a story I heard years ago about a woman writing an article about two brothers. One was a very successful business owner and the other brother was alcoholic who was homeless and living on the streets.

When asked what contributed to the shaping of their life, both brothers said, "My father was an alcoholic".

Life experiences, qualities, or behaviors can define you if you identify with them. The story you tell is the story you live. Or they can be pathways to expanding your potential and your liberation.

Our lives are shaped by our experiences.

It is your choice to empower another person or event to become your life story or... to use past experiences upon which to rewrite your future.

How do I stop blaming and judging myself so forgiveness can happen?

Cultivating self-love and compassion allows for forgiveness to occur. The first step towards forgiveness is having the willingness to forgive. Embodying forgiveness is an internal transformational process that involves the mind, the heart & soul, and most importantly, The Divine.

Transformation is an inner experience - an energetic shift that includes a rewiring in the brain. Sometimes the shift might be felt instantaneously. Often it occurs through pain.

Why? Our egos take control of the experience and we create the suffering and pain because we resist and fight out of fear. Grace ONLY comes in when we let go fully surrendering to whatever feeling, thought, belief and experience show up.

Instead of holding onto self- judgments and resentments ask yourself:

How is this person or situation in service to your healing and growth?

What do you have to let go of to allow more love into your heart and mind?

What qualities do you need to develop to grow and evolve?

If you are in a situation that might not change, what do you need to accept?

Expand the picture to see the situation from a higher perspective, look for the learning nuggets!

Be gentle with yourself and continue to invite God to guide through this healing journey. Be open to face and embrace those parts of yourself that are in need of tenderness.

Several reasons why you might be struggling with forgiveness

You have an attachment to what happened. You are still struggling with accepting what you did or didn't do, what another did or what others continue to do. Your struggle and resistance creates your misery which is a choice and an opportunity to forgive yourself!

Whenever you have a strong negative reaction to another is an opportunity to look at what you are dis-owning within yourself that is showing up to be loved and accepted - a quality, a behavior, an action to be forgiven.

We are mirrors for each other and as long as we have someone or something to blame for our life circumstances, we never have to take responsibility for our role in what we create from our past and our present.

To allow Grace and love in, you must surrender your attachments, your resistance to accepting whatever is happening in each moment, your expectations, and your control; to be compassionate with your own humanness and be open to allow The Divine to guide your life experiences.

This is the shift we are experiencing on the planet today!

Creatively inspiring and innovative, Lorraine Cohen is an internationally recognized transformation catalyst for evolutionary change. A gifted spiritual advisor, life coach, healer, speaker and broadcaster with an extensive background in addictions, recovery, emotional trauma, and spiritual guidance spanning more than 25 years, she has guided thousands of people to transform and transcend a painful past to a powerful present and a joyful future. Known for her expertise in shifting fear into POWER, she is passionate about helping people to overcome the limitations of their mind, to know their value, claim their Divine Power, and live their soul life path.

Source: EzineArticles
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