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Dad To More Than My Sons

April 05, 2012 | Comments: 0 | Views: 103

The toughest job I have ever had is being a Dad. Is true what people say, we are not provided with a "How to.....or, How to be manuals?" You just have to cope with what is thrown at you. Yes, you will make mistakes on the way but that is part of the lesson. It will make you a better, stronger person.

I have two sons from separate marriages. Lewis who is 19 and Billy, 14. They are both strapping lads who I am very proud of........ I think I have done a good job bringing them both up. Yes, I made mistakes along the way but, I learnt by them and moved on. I also have two step-children who are now both in their 20's who I also helped to bring up. Believe you me it is hard bringing other people's children up as they need to learn to trust and respect you, but once you have achieved this, the love from them comes naturally.

I can remember the first time I met my stepchildren. Aimi was only 4, when I first met her. She was sitting on her mother's front door step with a big cheeky smile, with both of her front teeth missing, dressed in a little denim skirt, black top and black boots. I can also remember the first few words she said to me.....

"You lost your teeth as well?" relating to the gap in my front teeth. Ben, her brother was a tougher cookie to crack, he was 8 and completely ignored me as I was not his dad and he thought because of me his Dad would no longer come round.

It was tough at first trying to get to know Ben, but over the months I won him over. I reassured him I was not there to replace his Dad and I kept telling him that his Dad loved him very much. I found by getting down to his level he soon started to warm to me. Aimi warmed to me straight away, I used to play with her dolls with her and let her put make up on me etc.... She was a little angel and still is after all these years. Let's face it; it must be very hard for any parent to allow another adult into the lives of their children. Firstly, it must be hard for a mother to allow a man she has only known for a short while close to the most important things in her life and it must be harder for the father knowing that there is another man in his children's lives and can that man be trusted? I know this from experience...

When my first wife met her current husband. My main concern was for my son and how would the guy treat him. Yes I was the big 'Alpha Male' when I first met him, checking him out, making sure he knew mentally that I was not the kind of guy you want to upset. Yes, we had our clashes over the years as I am a very opinionated person and if something had to be said I said it, but looking back now I realise that I was being an idiot, all I wanted to do was to protect my son.

In the early years there were times when Lewis couldn't sleep and all he wanted was his daddy. I would get a phone call from his mum asking me if I could go over and console him. Looking back it must have been tough on his step-dad allowing his wife's ex-husband into his house, but I could see he had my son's best interest at heart. Believe you me, it was tough seeing your little boy standing there crying for his daddy, holding his teddy knowing you're not there to protect him. Once he saw me, a big smile came across his face. I would take him up to his room and sing to him holding his little hand. I would assure him that we all loved him... Once I had got him to sleep I would say my goodbye's and leave.......that, was the tough part leaving him but deep down inside I knew he was in good hands.

Now the years have flown by and my little Lewis is 19 and in that time I have learnt to respect his step-dad. I would like to thank him for all the life experiences he has given him over the years. He has helped to mould my son to the lovely young man he is today. There is one thing that will always stick with me............ Lewis was about six when he turned to me and said, "Dad, I love David very much but, I love you the best because you are my Dad!" that means so much to me its bringing tears to my eyes now.

When I first met Michael my step children's dad, I made sure from the start he knew I would never hurt his children and to make him aware I would look after and protect them as they were my own. I always made sure I was in the background whenever he came to pick them up or drop them off, because that was his time and he didn't want me there being an intimidating presence. I also learnt to keep out of any parenting issues between them and learnt never to take sides as I could see both sides of the story being a separated dad as well. Don't get me wrong, I did have my opinion later but any decisions to be made about the kids were between Mum and Dad.

Over the years I have become very good friends with Michael. I know a lot of people may think its weird but, I was not the reason why their marriage ended. He has thanked me many times for the way I kept out of any parenting issues and also, the way I have helped to bring his children up over the years giving them both different life experiences. He has even said Aimi is so like me (poor girl)! We don't see each other much now as the children are a lot older but when we do we always do man hugs!

As the years have gone I have ended up divorcing Billy's and my step children's mum. Billy is at the age where he understands relationships. I see him every other weekend but call him every day to tell him I love him. He knows I am only a phone call away.

I am now living with my wonderful partner Bex who I dearly love; she also has two children of her own.... Harvey 10 and Gabrielle 8.....

Yes I am a Dad to my sons, but I also have two other children who I have brought up and two more who I am now bringing up! I'm proud of them all!

The cycle begins again!

Andy Miles, 48 and Rebecca Bird, 32, writing about their true family experiences and the journey though the world of Internet marketingAndy and Bex

Source: EzineArticles
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