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Abusive Relationship Signs - Who's Will Shall You Honor and What Are You Fighting About, Anyway?

July 04, 2012 | Comments: 0 | Views: 709

Have you ever noticed how some people feel so entitled to smash their will right down your throat? And should you resist, their rage bubbles up to bite you.

If you are in an abusive relationship, chances are you know this one. Take Linda and Jason, for example.

Here's a couple that enjoys what appears to be a loving relationship from the outside looking in. However, when Jason wants what he wants, he wants it now, and he wants it without any negotiation from Linda.

But, occasionally Linda will attempt to exert her will in what appears to be her effort to resist Jason imposing his will upon her. The issue can be insignificant or it can be monumental... Nonetheless, the process remains the same.

The back and forth begins... and before you know it, you are scratching your head losing sight of the original point of discord. (You heard me, you forget about what the heck you are actually fighting about in the first place.)

What ensues here is a clash of will and now a fight over Linda resisting in the first place. She knows that punishment is ahead. And she also knows that in order to usher the two of them to the other side of this blow out... she must apologize. She must become accountable for the "fight" and responsible for her partner's disenchantment.

Abuse Is About Control

These four little words, "abuse is about control" say it all. You see in abusive relationships, it's more about keeping the lines of "regulation" in order... and less about the particulars.

By way of experiment, try this... If you are on the other end of someone attempting to impose their will upon you and they anger over your efforts to resist, seek to appreciate the underlying power struggle in play.

If you pull yourself out of the back and forth long enough for the core dynamics to emerge, it will surprise your to see that you indeed have other options.

Regard and Respect of Self and Other

On the surface, this exercise my sound abstract. Trust me, it's not. Merely holding the awareness of the reality of the underlying control dynamics in play frees you up to honor yourself and respect what you know to be true for you. As you nourish that respect, you teach others to do the same relative to you... even in abusive relationships.

Going back to our example with Linda and Jason... Once Linda recognized the operative control dynamic, she could consciously choose her direction. The net result for her is one of maintaining her self-respect even in the context of Jason's bullying behavior.

For information about domestic abuse relationship healing, visit www.enddomesticabuse.org/spousal_abuse_tx.php and claim Free Instant Access to Survivor Success eInsights. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people nationwide recognize, end and heal from domestic abuse. © Jeanne King, Ph.D. - Domestic Violence Prevention and Intervention

Source: EzineArticles
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