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How To Go On After Divorce - 3 Positives

April 13, 2012 | Comments: 0 | Views: 135

I would never have thought I would ever be able to survive a divorce as messy as mine had gotten. What surprised me even more was I not only figured out how to go on after divorce, but I was able to learn from it. Regardless, divorce is a life changing event that can tear apart the most confident families.

It's been four years now and I can easily say things are different. Different in the way I look at things now. Before, I never saw an end to the pain. Now all I see is potential.

Potential for the good to emerge from the bad. I likened myself to the Phoenix. Burning to ash (hitting rock bottom for me), then, from the ash, rise again, stronger than before.

OK. A little dramatic. But it brings forth a point that you have to accepted things for what they are and realize that sometimes bad things need to happen in order for better things to materialize.

Looking back, I can think of three things that have blessed my life and helped me in my struggle to learn how to go on after divorce. It would have never have happened without the bad.

Played in a band

I recall a friend giving me advice on how to go on after divorce. He rightfully said divorce was a chance to rediscover myself and determine what I considered important. An opportunity to do and be whomever I wanted.

One of those things I had put off for years was learning how to play guitar. I never would have taken the time for something so time consuming if I were still married. So, now was my opportunity to be selfish with my time and I took it.

I did so much more then just learn the guitar. I played in a band for about a year and had one of the best experiences doing it! Completely out of my character, learning the guitar brought me out of my shell and showed me how much more to life there can be, not to mention being an excellent confidence builder.

I found my soul mate

Two years ago, if you had told me I would be married again with a baby on the way by this time then, I probably would have hit you for making fun of me. I was an emotional wreck when my first wife left and I thought that was it. I was destined to be alone. If the woman I was with for years doesn't want me, who will?

My beautiful new wife certainly did! They always say you find your love when you least expect it and it is so true! I had come to a point that I was done with the dating scene and I wasn't bothering with it anymore. She literally came through my doorstep and we haven't been apart since.

I was actually having band rehearsal at my place when we first met. It's funny to look back and see how events work out. If I never went through a divorce, I would have never played in a band, therefore, never meeting my current wife.

I am myself again

While being married, I can see where my ex was dominant in her way of thinking. I wasn't that strong emotionally myself then anyway, so her personality and wants always overshadowed mine. I bent over backwards and did all that I could for her or the family, never taking time for me. Now that we are no longer together, she felt almost parasitic in our relationship.

When I was first struggling how to go on after divorce, I had a lot of time. I was given the chance to figure out who I was. I could see myself as a five year old trying on different personalities, or activities, to figure out things that I wanted and valued out of life. I had time to question what I believed in without the influence of what I think I should think.

There is something extremely valuable in learning good things from bad events. To take those lessons and apply them to future circumstances can lead to a peacefulness that I am only beginning to discover.

Honestly, I still have my bad days. But I have a wonderful family to support me.

It has taken me years what could take some months, but I don't regret the time I have been able to spend on myself and learn. Learning how to go on after divorce can be impossible if you don't know where to start. Just remember to always take time for yourself. We seem to give it so freely to others, take some for yourself. Visit my blog.

Source: EzineArticles
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How To Go On After Divorce


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