Author Box
Articles Categories
All Categories
Articles Resources

Finding the Courage to Leave the Marriage

April 21, 2012 | Comments: 0 | Views: 192

One of the core beliefs I brought to the marriage was that it was a woman's job to hold the family together. It just seemed to make sense. During our marriage, I had many experiences that confirmed my expectations on this point. When I would leave for a day or two, I'd return to find that everything was out of order. The kids had survived on cereal, there would be at least one major injury, they'd "accidentally" watch the evening news, resulting in numerous nightmares, and Dad would let them crawl on the roof to remove leaves from the gutters. No complaints from the kids of course -- their days were packed with fun! But I carried with me the knowledge that it would be my responsibility to put everything back together. One of the reasons I waited so long to get a divorce was because I couldn't imagine Ron with that responsibility. I couldn't imagine dropping the kids off at his house and picking them up three days later. I was afraid to hand over my influence and control in their lives. I didn't want them to have two rooms with two sets of clothes, two sets of rules, and two telephone numbers so friends wouldn't know where to reach them.

Nobody gets married with the hope of getting a divorce. I grieved the end of my relationship bit by bit with each disappointment over a period of years. When I got to the point where choosing to stay became as hard as choosing to leave I knew that I had to do something. I spent a few weeks trying out the idea on friends, actually saying the words, "I'm getting a divorce." We were living in New Zealand at the time. I'd just moved most of my furniture by boat from the United States, into a house we bought and remodeled in New Zealand with the hope that the end was not in sight. My emotions, thoughts and actions swung back and forth between hope and despair so often that I'm sure my friends thought I was losing it. Even though I knew the end was inevitable I was frozen in my daily life, unable to imagine what the actual leaving would look or feel like. My mind was full of what I was afraid of and my fear kept me from creating a way to leave.

That week I decided to take a mask-making class. The class description read, "Find and paint your inner power." I dripped wet roles of plaster strips across my face so the mask would make a perfect imprint of my features. Then the teacher told us to close our eyes and ask ourselves what inner power we needed to pull up to the surface of our lives. Many images flashed in my mind-all were bright, bold, striped war like faces. I detest violence, so I tried fighting these images by creating visions of flowers, ocean waves, and eagles. During this exercise I understood that my passive, complain, cry but do nothing nature was not going to move me from fear to freedom. My mind cried out warrior, so I painted that mask with absolutely no thought or planning and then looked upon my features with a new understanding.

I learned during this process that there is no easy way to take on fear. You have to grab it as if you were in the wrestling match of your life-knowing that if you can't beat it you will be pinned to the floor unable to move forever. Words and tears had no power to move me anymore. I had to take action. There was a list I'd held for over a year-the things that I was supposed to do in preparation for leaving; copy all our financial information, create an exit plan, determine how much money I would need to live for a year, and decide where I would go. In the emotional state I was in, it all felt daunting, yet while I was copying my first file from the computer a wave of relief empowered me. I was going to leave. That afternoon as I looked at my warrior mask it was easy to write the steps I would take. The plan that hung in the corners of my mind for years was finally freed by one moment of forward moving action.

Source: EzineArticles
Was this Helpful ?

Rate this Article

Article Tags:






When speaking of celebrity weddings, they dresses are mostly tailored and designed form reputed international designers. Say for example, Dutch Victoria’s Secret model Doutzen Kroes. When speaking

By: Simon Liva l Relationships > Wedding l December 12, 2012 lViews: 216

Funny groom speeches play an important role in making the wedding atmosphere nice and relaxed. Wedding is all about celebration and enjoyment and the best way of adding to the celebration is to make

By: Bartley de Wilson l Relationships > Wedding l November 29, 2012 lViews: 219

The wedding cards of every religion have something peculiar and convey a lot about the religion. There are various online stores that are solely designing Muslim wedding cards and there is an option

By: Indian Wedding Card l Relationships > Wedding l November 29, 2012 lViews: 389

Practice makes pretty! Make sure the dance floor is right for the song and practice plenty of time before hand.Practice makes pretty! Make sure the dance floor is right for the song and practice

By: Simon Liva l Relationships > Wedding l November 21, 2012 lViews: 281

Wedding invitations are very important as they are the first impression and unique wedding invitations are generally kept by the guests. The wedding is an auspicious occasion and all the rituals are

By: Indian Wedding Card l Relationships > Wedding l November 16, 2012 lViews: 445

A closer look into the popular series of books called Fifty Shades of Grey that has spurred women all over America to get in touch with the sensual side in life. It's about letting your daily

By: martha l Relationships > Sexuality l October 25, 2012 lViews: 307

Divorce happens around the world. In the U.S., the rate is 50 percent based on current statistics. An international research on countries with the highest divorce rates, Belarus topped the list with

By: Kalyan Kumarl Relationships > Divorcel April 24, 2012 lViews: 186

If you suspect that your spouse/partner is reconnecting with a former girlfriend, boyfriend, lover, through Facebook, Classmates. Then you need to confront them immediately. The longer you delay the

By: Michael P Brooksl Relationships > Divorcel April 23, 2012 lViews: 194

"I can't do it anymore" were the first words my friend stated when I answered the phone this week. There comes a time for many of us going through a divorce when you just want to throw in the towel,

By: Debbi Dickinsonl Relationships > Divorcel April 23, 2012 lViews: 195

Divorce can be a tough and painful process. Nobody can go through it the easy way. But then if your decision to end your marriage is final, you have no choice but to face reality and get on with the

By: Kalyan Kumarl Relationships > Divorcel April 20, 2012 lViews: 215

The first thing to do while you are considering divorce is to talk with an experienced family lawyer. Once you have set up a meeting with your attorney, start making a list of questions to ask him.

By: Kelvin A Smithl Relationships > Divorcel April 19, 2012 lViews: 189

I believe that most people have an end goal of wanting an amicable divorce. Not just to keep the divorce cost down, but also to maintain a healthy...

By: Debbi Dickinsonl Relationships > Divorcel April 18, 2012 lViews: 161

Discuss this Article

comments powered by Disqus