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How to Fight With Your Spouse (and Still Love Them Afterwards)

February 23, 2012 | Comments: 0 | Views: 208

No matter who is in what relationship, one thing is certain, couples are going to fight. Ever since Adam and Eve argued about what to have for dinner, couples have found themselves arguing. It has always been, and it always will continue to be. This is because a couple is in fact two individual people, both with differing ideas, beliefs, values and processes. It is natural and healthy to be assertive when your ideas and values conflict with someone else's.

The unfortunate thing is that fights and arguments also break up couples. So many relationships have ended because an argument could not be resolved. Does that mean that every relationship is doomed, or that in order to make a relationship work one half of the couple must give in to the beliefs of their partner? Of course not! By following these guidelines, you can not only effectively argue with your partner, but also kept your strong bond intact.

Before you start your argument, carefully consider what you're about to fight about. Is it seriously worth the time and effort arguing about it, or are you just fighting to be right? If it's not worth fighting, don't. Just give in and you live to fight again another day. The best way to navigate a fight is to avoid it in the first place.

If this is something worth fighting about however, remember to stick to the topic. It's all too easy to bring up other unrelated subjects in the middle of an argument. What you'll find is that you eventually lose sight of what you're arguing about, you continue to fight for fighting's sake and you don't end up resolving the conflict. The end we want is resolution of the conflict.

Stick to facts. The best way to win someone over to your way of thinking is to use rationality and let them make up their minds by allowing them to see the facts. You never know, after seeing the facts yourself, your opinion might change.

Don't criticise or result in name calling. This is childish and will not win any argument. What will happen is your partner will feel threatened and hurt and feel a need to get you back. The fight has gone from trying to resolve a conflict to trying to win a fight.

Don't become emotional. It's easy to let emotions like frustration, anger and hurt to take over you in an argument. Once this happens, again we are not attempting to resolve a conflict but win a fight. If you become aware that you're becoming emotional, stop, take a breath and try to leave the argument until you have both calmed down. This is not forfeiting a fight, meaning the other person wins, it is simply a case of saying to your partner "This is getting to be too much right now. I'm going to take a break and we can continue when I've settled down".

Compromise if you can. I've talked about already about the need people have to win a fight. When one wins a fight, the other, obviously, loses. No one wants to lose that's why fights persist. Remember to make it not about fighting, but about resolving a conflict. By making a compromise, you end up with a win- win situation, more importantly an end to the conflict.

When the argument is all said and done, remember the most important part is to rebuild the bridge. Give your partner a big cuddle and tell them how much you love and appreciate them. At the end of the day, the most important thing is the quality and endurance of your relationship. People who fight to win often end up alone.

Rodney is a qualified counsellor. He is the Founder and Facilitator of Bloke Support, an organisation that is dedicated to proving support to men facing emotional difficulties and creating awareness of men's issues. He also volunteers as a crisis telephone counsellor for Lifeline and works as a support worker in the mental health industry. In his spare time, Rodney is compleating a Bachelor in counselling and is a filmmaker and award winning writer. He lives on the Northern Beaches in Sydney, Australia. For more information on Bloke Support, visit

Source: EzineArticles
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