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How to Lay on the Charm

April 16, 2012 | Comments: 0 | Views: 191

There is sometimes a stigma about being charming. I suspect this arises because of the perceived falseness in many of those who would be described as being a charmer.

The solution then is clear and that is to become a charmer in a way that is absolutely authentic. This presupposes that there are identifiable qualities that can be learned and this is in fact the case.

One of the qualities that set the true charmer aside from the rest of the population is a genuine interest in the lives of those they interact with. It is almost as if they have an insatiable curiosity about their fellow man and the lives that they lead.

There is of course an immediate problem with this as many people will consider this behavior to be that of a nosey parker. So obviously there are other steps that must be taken prior to expressing interest. This is done using the skill known as rapport and everybody on the planet has used this skill at some time or another.

Rapport has been described as having a sense of both trust and understanding with another person. You know that you have rapport when "time stands still" and when you start to complete each other sentences. You will also begin to mirror each other's body language, facial expressions and breathing rate. In deep states of rapport you will also match your pulse rate with that of the person you are with. When the other person speaks you can use what are known as minimal encouragers. These are words such as yes, uhuh and really or OK and using these words lets the other person know they have been heard and understood.

So could this thing known as rapport also be the state of being charming or charmed? Once you observe that you have established rapport you can then begin to lead the other person towards the objective you wish to get them to do. There is a caveat here though that you would do well to understand.

Whatever your goal for the other person may be it must be aligned with their values or you may be seen as unscrupulous and manipulative. This is why skilled sales people will always ask prospects and clients about the results they want to get from the sale. The best of them will send away clients whose needs they cannot meet.

So we have uncovered yet another aspect of the charmer, which is a genuine concern for the needs and desires of another human being. It may be that being a charmer is not as complex as first imagined.

If you simply need to respect the views of others and listen to them appropriately and pay attention to their words by using minimal encouragers; to mirror their body position and their rate of breathing, then you too can begin to lay on the charm.

Michael Noone is a communication skills authority and NLP trainer living in Thailand with his partner Evelyne Draper.

NLP is a tool for communicating better with yourself and with other people so that you get the influence, results and respect that you want. You can prioritise what is important to you using NLP and begin to get the results that you want more quickly by changing how you communicate.

You can learn more about them here at and also at

Source: EzineArticles
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