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My Boyfriend Has To Move - How Can I Get Him To Commit Before We Have A Long Distance Relationship?

April 13, 2012 | Comments: 0 | Views: 203

I sometimes hear from women who are very reluctant to enter into a long distance relationship without some reassurance or commitment first.After all, a long distance relationship is a huge sacrifice and it can be quite difficult both emotionally and physically.So, if you're going to commit to something like that, then there needs to be an incentive on the other side of it to give you the reassurance that you need.

I heard from a women who said: "my boyfriend and I have been dating for over three years.We met in undergraduate school and have been inseparable ever since.We both graduated last summer and applied to graduate school at the same college where we are now.Well, I got in.But he did not.However, he did get into his second choice or his 'safe school.'And he feels that he has no choice but to go.They are offering him a partial scholarship and it is the only school within our state that accepted him.But it is 4 hours away.He has committed to go because he doesn't see any other way and we are both committed to our educations.But the sticking point here is that I want a commitment or a ring and he is balking at that.He promises to come home every weekend and says we shouldn't get engaged because of our circumstances.It's not that I think he will cheat on me.I really don't.I know that he loves me and would still be here if he could.But I just worry that we will drift apart.And I feel like if we were engaged or promised then there would be less of a chance that this distance will hurt our relationship.But when I try to explain this, he seems annoyed and says he already feels pressured and stressed about having to start over in a strange place with no friends or support.I don't want to add to his burden, but is a little commitment too much to ask for?"I'll tell you my take on this in the following article.

Why Pressuring Him When He's Already Stressed Might Not Be The Best Call:I completely understood why this woman wanted the reassurance of a commitment.But, I also understand why her boyfriend was stressed.He was likely hugely disappointed that he wasn't accepted where he was already comfortable and settled.So, it's very likely that leaving wasn't his first choice. This situation involved school.But there are many scenarios like this such as being deployed in the military, being transferred for your job, or life circumstances just requiring a move.Long distance relationships are more common and necessary than you might think.

And all of these things can bring about a huge amount of stress. So adding onto that stress by making a demand when someone has already shown a little resistance is not the best idea.Because to them, it can feel as if you are piling onto their problems at the worse time that's possible. So while I understand your wanting that commitment, you might have a much better result if you give him a little time to get settled before you take a strong stance, which brings me to my next point.

The Distance Can Work For You If You Let It:I have to tell you that I know many couples who have gotten engaged once the long distance thing did its work.The truth is, people who are in love miss one another like crazy when they are separated.Suddenly, you appreciate all of those little things that you love about the other person because you can no longer take them for granted.And, because being away from them is so painful, it's normal to decide that you don't want to be without them for the long term. So, commitment is just the next plausible step.

I honestly think that the best thing that you can do it to allow the distance to work for you rather than against you.Be very receptive when he misses you and let him know that you miss him and want to be with him.If you do this rather than pressure him, he will be much more likely to want to very willingly commit to you because, although he can't be with you as much as he would like to be physically, he wants to be with you symbolically.

But sometimes in order for this process to take its due course, you will need to be patient, upbeat, and reassuring.Remember that he is having to move away from his home and from the girl he loves.This can not be easy on him.(I understand that it's not easy on you either.)Make sure he realizes that you understand how difficult this is for him and that you have his back rather than having the desire to pressure him because of what you need rather than what he needs.

And I'll tell you a secret.If you are kind and give him what he needs, the chances are very good that he will eventually be more than happy to give you what you need, which, as we all know is a commitment.But if he were only to give you a ring because he was hurried or pressured, both of you would know that it wasn't quite right.Hold out for what is right - which is him very excitedly and willingly bringing up the commitment himself because he finds that he can't stand to be apart from you.

And here's one final thought. Men are drawn to women who make them better men. If you stand behind him and let him know that you support him because his education is so important to him, this is going to gain you huge points. Men want to commit to the woman they know wants to help them fulfill their best life. If you want tips and advice on how to make him commit  quite willingly, check out my free blog at Source: EzineArticles

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