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The Saboteur of Change

February 22, 2012 | Comments: 0 | Views: 198

If you're like most people, you've probably spent a good part of your life struggling to change this or that quality of your life. It really is the natural tendency of a sentient consciousness to want to grow and change, to develop and realize its potential. But if you're like most people, you probably go into these attempted changes with a lot of zeal, with the determination to make your life the dream, the paradise that it could be. You make efforts for the next days, maybe weeks, and rarely months, but eventually, slowly things go back to the way they were. You sneak that extra dessert, or you have 'just one cigarette.' You might skip a workout. Before long, you're eating like you did before the resolution, you're smoking more cigarettes than you did before, and you can't remember the last time you were at the gym.

Maybe it didn't happen exactly like I described, but I'm willing to bet that at some point in your life, you've been through this cycle. You've battled yourself as old habits washed over the new and vulnerable ones. You've probably beaten yourself up a little bit because you've reverted back to the behavior or the attitudes that you wanted so badly to let go of.

No matter how familiar or unfamiliar this sounds, it's a common cycle of the human condition. No matter how much some people want to change, there always seems to be something blocking them, something getting in the way of their success. And aye, there's the rub.

Before I get into the reason why most changes fail, I feel obliged to offer you a little background into the human psyche. When babies are born, they're not born 'American' or 'Chinese' or 'French'. They're born with the genetic make-up that gives them the physical characteristics of their race, but they're not born with all of those customs and cultures surrounding them. Aside from cases of physical or mental handicap, each baby born on this planet is a clean slate, an open book upon which can be written literally anything. Anything. All the values, all the beliefs, all the principles that an adult human being has were given to him or her through the process of socialization. For me, that's just a fancy way of saying programmed. Basically, as you grow up, and because of the society around, you learn that boys are connected with blue and girls with pink. This is an arbitrary, relative value. It has no objective truth. The same goes with believing country music is God's gift to the world, or that Elvis will always be the king of the Rock n' Roll. Or that America is #1 or that the New York Yankees are the best baseball team in history. Or that fried chicken is delicious and brusells sprouts are gross. All of these values, as well as all the others that you hold are relative, and they've been given to you by the world around through the process of socialization.

This realization can be one of the most difficult premises to swallow, because it feels so good to 'be right.' It might seem innocuous at first, but essentially, if you can accept that the vast, vast majority of what you believe true is only a relative truth, then you've got to let go of righteousness, that swelling of pride when you know you're right, and "they're wrong". By accepting that it's all relative, you've got to let go of any ideas you have that your values are true for anyone else. Unless you're talking about extremes like murder or rape, your values hold no objective truth. This is one of the big lessons of life, and one that will do much to ease human suffering in every aspect of our world.

Now, maybe you're asking what this has to do with weight-loss, stopping smoking, or making more money. And I say to you-everything.

The reason that yours and so many other people's changes fail and fail quickly is quite simple: you were socialized to be the person who you are now, and by wanting to change you're essentially creating an updated version of yourself. A different person. But the sum-total of who you are doesn't include those updates. You're socialized to be the person you are, not the person you want to be. Can you see the waiting conflict?

A problem well stated is a problem half solved....but how do you go about figuring out the other half? To make any change, you've got to familiarize yourself with yourself. That's where it all begins and ends.

To get a free report on the subject, check out click this link.

Source: EzineArticles
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