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How Do You Feel? It's Your Choice!

April 17, 2012 | Comments: 0 | Views: 148

Perhaps the most vital need that we naturally look for is to experience a sense of belonging. This tribal need is filtered through contact with family, friends, schools, sporting clubs, political parties, colleagues, gyms and so on. The connection made produces a feeling of mutual satisfaction and friendship. Of course, a need can only be truly satisfied as a direct result of the meaning we attach to our relationships. What makes a relationship healthy? A relationship is healthier when we give up external control over somebody else. This is what is meant by selfless love.

It is rare for any of us to not know of somebody who is presently experiencing stress; unfortunately, it is part and parcel of life today. The sheer volume of sufferers is a real medical concern given stress leads inexorably to disease. Routine sadness experienced over time can lead to a serious illness such as depression, and a glance at the number of people popping pills sends a clear warning signal of the dangers of avoiding help. And the official statistics may just be the tip of the iceberg. In fact, today, all forms of depressive disorders are on the increase.

What has this to do with a need to belong? Well, a lack of belonging causes disconnection. Mental disorders, such as depression, also cause disconnection. Love of others hinges on the relationship you have with yourself, and love of self is vital to your well-being. Blaming and disrespecting others for what is happening in your life causes disconnection and punishes you. How you think about yourself matters. And it boils down to personal choice.

In important matters, do you always have choice? In truth, all of us have choice. It boils down to the way you choose to think. Your behaviour provides information to others about the way you think and feel. This information can be open to interpretation, but it is always exposed. It is confirmed by your physiology. These non-verbal clues are all-too revealing.

Trying to conceal this information is time-consuming and requires considerable effort. Putting on a brave face each day takes its toll. Indeed, your face can provide others with the map of your life. However, control of the way you feel is totally in your hands. The only behaviour you have complete control of is your own. Think well of yourself, and you win. Lose your self-esteem, and life becomes tough even unbearable. The going only gets more unpleasant once you believe a relationship is failing.

We recognise that relationships are challenging. Perhaps they are challenging because they can be incredibly rewarding. Your relationship with others is based on the information you reveal about yourself. We judge others all the time. We are often unaware that others judge us. In a relationship, this is happening constantly. Without necessarily knowing you are doing it, you are sending an enormous amount of information to those people with whom you relate. The only thing you can actually give to another person is information. And you can't wear a mask all the time. Moreover, what you project is your choice.

What you choose to reveal comes down to the decisions you make about your life. What you think, feel, say and do is your choice. This is personal power. How you exercise your personal power is up to you. Your thoughts, emotions, gestures, behaviour and overall body language are perpetually open to scrutiny. In fact, all we do in life is behave. In every waking moment we are behaving. What did your behaviour reveal about you today? Every single aspect of your behaviour was your choice, and began with your thought processes.

So, you are the only person with direct control over the way you think. How you think is your choice. Your thinking has control over your emotions. Your emotions control your physiology. The end result is behaviour. Your behaviour gets your results. This is the outcome you achieve by the way in which you choose to behave. And it begins with the way you think.

The person you are today is largely based upon what has happened to you in the past. However, the past has gone. There is only the present and your present choices will impact how satisfying your future will become. Consider this: Is it time to let go of some of your sacrosanct yesterdays? If you decide to see your life in a way that satisfies you, then you will experience satisfaction. What you tell yourself will paint a portrait of your life. Your internal world will respond to these thoughts and provide information to those people with whom you have a relationship.

There are always issues in relationships. How you choose to regard these issues is your choice. Would it surprise you to know that virtually all psychological problems are relationship problems? This includes your mental health and the internal relationship between your conscious and unconscious minds. How you exercise your personal power through the choices you make is down to you alone.

Perhaps the greatest thoughts are the simpler ones. Deciding to think positively leads to contentment. It is transformative. Trust yourself and let contentment grow. Put absolute faith in yourself. The agent of hope, change and recovery resides in your mind alone. You may not need other people to solve your problems. Decide to cut off any constant negative thinking. Consciously reject it. Support, encourage and respect your qualities. Choose your thoughts wisely and think generously about yourself! First BE and then do.

MIKE LALLY is an NLP trainer and coach. If you are the kind of person who has struggled with an everyday feeling that something isn't quite right and perhaps believe that you may be suffering from a mild or severe form of depression then it may be in your best interest to seek help. It is always possible to change something and get a better result. Clearly, a delay in taking action, or at least establishing a new way of thinking about what may be possible is important. To help with this, visit or contact Mike via email at:

Source: EzineArticles
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