Author Box
Articles Categories
All Categories
Articles Resources

Are There Good Ways to Use Anger?

March 31, 2012 | Comments: 0 | Views: 121

Anger is an important emotion that shouldn't be avoided or repressed. It is key to our happiness and to making relationships work. Unfortunately, people often associate anger with relationship failure, divorce, a lack of personal control, stress and helplessness. Often people hold in their anger. When their feelings escalate to a certain point, they will finally vent. By this time, they have played the scenario out in their minds and focus more on their own 'side', making them heavily biased against the other individual.

I propose an alternative means of using anger. Anger can increase our feeling of power, motivate us to change ourselves or push for change in relationships and society. It can build relationships and trust if handled correctly. An expert in the field (Tjosvold) suggested that anger offers many benefits. I will build on some of his suggestions based on my own experience as a mediator.

Anger motivates people to make much needed change. It can be a way to get us to move forward. Whether that means being angry enough to make a change, kick someone out of our lives or stand up for something we believe in. Anger strengthens relationships because we experience that the other person will stay by our side, even if we express frustration, hurt and suffering (if the relationship is worth it). This leads to increased dependence and reliance on each other in the future. We get closer as time passes and we experience our emotions together. We also feel a deeper sense of closeness together. Anger also helps us understand ourselves. Bringing our anger up with someone in a calm and non-accusatory manor allows us to be supported, to open up a discussion and to see more of ourselves.

To increase the effectiveness of expressing anger, we must openly express anger in away to encourage self-responsibility, cooperation and reliance on one another and empowerment. Ask yourself how you played a role in the conflict. It's hard to see our own involvement, but a conflict always involves more than one party through either action or inaction. Being self righteous will only make the conflict escalate. Express your reliance on the other person and that you are interested in working together in the future (or having a long term relationship). Tell the other person that you want to hear their views, and that they are equally important to find a resolution. This empowers them to express themselves and to simultaneously know that you genuinely care. They will be more likely to collaborate in the future.

It's clear that anger can bring us to places we never imagined. A scary emotion to many people; motivates us, improves our relationships and increases our self-awareness. The way we express anger is key at achieving this. If we focus on encouraging differences, cooperation, dependence and empowerment, it will be easier for others to 'hear' our anger, and not merely 'listen'. This means that we can positively expressing anger that helps us positively improve our lives.

Jonathan has a Master of Science and several years of experience in conflict resolution, mediation, partnership building, facilitation, leadership and diversity. Jonathan is a qualified accredited mediator in Canada. Jonathan completed various Alternative Dispute Resolution training in Canada and the Netherlands, dealing with Victim-Offender Mediation, Negotiation, Neighbourhood Mediation, Public Policy Mediation and more. See his website at

Source: EzineArticles
Was this Helpful ?

Rate this Article

Article Tags:

Expressing Anger


Making Relationships Work


Associate Anger


Skilfully Expressing Anger



Imagine a 10,000 piece jigsaw complete with a picture and then a tornado comes along and rips it apart, the pieces scattered and the picture lost. Imagine that jigsaw falling back to earth in some

By: Tim Holmes l Self Improvement > Empowerment l August 12, 2012 lViews: 335

Personal growth and understanding of self are no different. We fear that which we do not understand and it is a choice as to what we do with that feeling of fear. I now understand myself very well

By: Tim Holmes l Self Improvement > Personal Growth l August 12, 2012 lViews: 310

If you are going to write articles online, you are going to inadvertently increase your critical thinking skills. The reason is simple - because as you are preparing an article you are explaining to

By: Lance Winslow l Self Improvement > Mind Development l August 02, 2012 lViews: 302

Back when I was in high school and college I was a spectacular athlete, and I'm not afraid to say so now. At the time, it might not been inappropriate, as it would have shown an inflated ego, but I

By: Lance Winslow l Self Improvement > Mind Development l August 02, 2012 lViews: 496

Brainwave entrainment is a great resource for self-hypnosis and can be very effective in helping you to access the brainwave frequency that allows you to change your core programming by changing your

By: Wanina Petlock l Self Improvement > Mind Development l August 01, 2012 lViews: 249

Simply put, brainwave entrainment is a process that uses sound patterns to change your dominant brainwave to a specific brainwave frequency that produces a certain, desired effect. Entrainment can

By: Wanina Petlock l Self Improvement > Mind Development l August 01, 2012 lViews: 236

As we add one concern upon another, and depths of concern we can't even explain, an unbridled anxiety emerges and manifests through an outburst we hardly reckon as ours. For some reason what

By: Steve Wickhaml Self Improvement > Anger Managementl June 27, 2012 lViews: 208

We are vessels for both love and anger. When people frustrate us, yet we cannot tell them, anger builds up within ourselves, creating anxiety, and potential for the anger to spill over in

By: Steve Wickhaml Self Improvement > Anger Managementl June 24, 2012 lViews: 205

As a passenger, I had to do my best to contain myself and keep quiet for 40 minutes. That was hard, but with paper and pen I wrote my questions for this person, unbeknownst to him, he was about to

By: Krystalina Soashl Self Improvement > Anger Managementl June 23, 2012 lViews: 170

When you need to let go of crippling emotional pain, you have to ask yourself a few important questions. This article focuses on five of these questions.

By: Andeline Williams Pretoriusl Self Improvement > Anger Managementl June 22, 2012 lViews: 183

Are you holding onto anger all day once something upsets you? Or do you accept it and let it go? It's your choice how you spend the rest of your day.

By: Debbi Dickinsonl Self Improvement > Anger Managementl June 22, 2012 lViews: 165

Why should Anger destroy your life and destiny? Anger is outrageous and should go down before sunset! Anger is the root cause of so many evil deeds and destruction in the world today. Learning how to

By: Ngozi Nwokel Self Improvement > Anger Managementl June 20, 2012 lViews: 192

What can you do if you are a victim of workplace bullying? Here are 7 tips to avoid a workplace bully, or better, confront the bully and avoid the stress and pain of dealing with their harassment.

By: Jonathan Elstonl Self Improvement > Stress Managementl April 11, 2012 lViews: 130

Discuss this Article

comments powered by Disqus