Author Box
Articles Categories
All Categories
Articles Resources

Anger Management - Controlling and Purging Your Negative Emotions

February 22, 2012 | Comments: 0 | Views: 182

All too often, men find themselves in the company of what is often a lifelong companion, anger. Let's face it; anger is the only emotion that's deemed acceptable to feel. Other emotions such as fear, sadness, and depression are often thought of as unmanly. If you show such emotions, you're seen as weak. Interesting fact: Anger is not a pure emotion, it is a masking emotion. It masks all those "girly" unacceptable emotions that we're not allowed to experience. We mask these with anger as a way of not feeling.

What happens when we don't feel these feelings is they stay with us. Over time they fester and grow often raising up to the surface. That's when we mask them again with anger and the whole process continues. If we continue to stay within this "cycle of anger" it effects behaviour which has resulted in many men losing jobs, friends and even families.

Look at the classic story of Star Wars: Anakin allows his anger to fully take over him and he crosses over to the dark side. He loses his wife and children as well as himself. He loses his human qualities and becomes the largely robotic Darth Vader.

How can we avoid crossing over to our dark side and not let anger to control us? Quite simply we must purge these negative emotions out of our system. When we rid our bodies of these negative qualities, they can't fester and build within. I'm going to share with you a step by step process of controlling and purging negative emotions without losing face in front of your mates.

Step 1 is to be aware of what's going on in our bodies. Think back to when you become angry, what happens to your body? Does your body tighten? Do your hands become fists? Do you feel a sting behind your eyes? Whatever happens to you (and everyone is different) get to know it. Become familiar this way when you feel it happening, you become aware that you're getting angry. When you know you're angry, then you can control it.

Step 2 is to breathe. Breathe in deep through the nose and out the mouth. Count to 10 as you breathe in and 10 as you breathe out. This will also control the speed of your breathing. Deep and slow is the key. Fast and shallow breathing will only cause you anxiety which in turn you'll convert to anger. When we become angry, blood and oxygen rushes to the parts of the brain that cause us to act, leaving the parts which control thinking unable to work. Have you ever wondered why people can get into such a rage they act without thinking then don't remember what happened afterwards? Slow, deep breathing will give oxygen and blood to the thinking parts of the brain, which in turn will allow you to control your anger.

Step 3 is self-talk. Have a saying or a "mantra" that you repeat to yourself over and over. Something like "stay cool" or "Be calm" or "chill out" something that works for you. Me personally, I tell myself to "breathe". Believe it or not, our minds do listen and follow what we tell it. This is why self-talk is an important part of a lot of therapies for lots of different issues.

Step 4 is to get out of the situation that's making you angry. When we become angry, our judgement becomes clouded and if we stay within that situation that's making us angry, it stays clouded. When we take ourselves away, we are then able to get a fresh perspective and can then make calm, rational choices about how to proceed. It's also a great way to find a place to be by ourselves.

Step 5 is to vent. Vent whatever it is that you're feeling. There's many ways to vent, physical activity such as going for a run or a walk, even punching a punching bag will work and is a lot better than punching into someone you care about. Some people like to scream into a pillow or something that will muffle their screams. You don't want the neighbours thinking something more sinister is happening. Believe it or not, writing a letter or in a journal of some kind can also be cathartic for some people. Crying is one of the best ways of venting negative emotions. Not only crying vent, but crying also releases chemicals into the brain which has a similar effect to heroin. So after you're done venting, you tend to feel pretty good too. I know crying is not very manly, but it is useful. Find yourself that quiet place away from judgment and ridicule and let yourself go. You'll find it is a liberating and freeing experience.

If negative emotions persist and or your situation is critical, please seek help and get some professional counselling.

If you're new to the principals and skills we've spoken about, you will find it a challenge at first. But please persist. Like anything in life, the more you do it, the easier you'll find it, which will ultimately lead to a better life.

Rodney is a qualified counsellor. He is the Founder and Facilitator of Bloke Support, an organisation that is dedicated to providing support to men facing emotional difficulties and creating awareness of mens issues. He also volunteers as a crisis telephone counsellor for Lifeline and works as a support worker in the mental health industry. In his spare time, Rodney is compleating a Bachelor in counselling and is a filmmaker and award winning writer. He lives on the Northern Beaches in Sydney, Australia. For more information on Bloke Support, visit

Source: EzineArticles
Was this Helpful ?

Rate this Article

Article Tags:

Anger Management


Negative Emotions


Purging Negative Emotions


Mens Issues



Imagine a 10,000 piece jigsaw complete with a picture and then a tornado comes along and rips it apart, the pieces scattered and the picture lost. Imagine that jigsaw falling back to earth in some

By: Tim Holmes l Self Improvement > Empowerment l August 12, 2012 lViews: 335

Personal growth and understanding of self are no different. We fear that which we do not understand and it is a choice as to what we do with that feeling of fear. I now understand myself very well

By: Tim Holmes l Self Improvement > Personal Growth l August 12, 2012 lViews: 310

If you are going to write articles online, you are going to inadvertently increase your critical thinking skills. The reason is simple - because as you are preparing an article you are explaining to

By: Lance Winslow l Self Improvement > Mind Development l August 02, 2012 lViews: 302

Back when I was in high school and college I was a spectacular athlete, and I'm not afraid to say so now. At the time, it might not been inappropriate, as it would have shown an inflated ego, but I

By: Lance Winslow l Self Improvement > Mind Development l August 02, 2012 lViews: 496

Brainwave entrainment is a great resource for self-hypnosis and can be very effective in helping you to access the brainwave frequency that allows you to change your core programming by changing your

By: Wanina Petlock l Self Improvement > Mind Development l August 01, 2012 lViews: 248

Simply put, brainwave entrainment is a process that uses sound patterns to change your dominant brainwave to a specific brainwave frequency that produces a certain, desired effect. Entrainment can

By: Wanina Petlock l Self Improvement > Mind Development l August 01, 2012 lViews: 235

As we add one concern upon another, and depths of concern we can't even explain, an unbridled anxiety emerges and manifests through an outburst we hardly reckon as ours. For some reason what

By: Steve Wickhaml Self Improvement > Anger Managementl June 27, 2012 lViews: 208

We are vessels for both love and anger. When people frustrate us, yet we cannot tell them, anger builds up within ourselves, creating anxiety, and potential for the anger to spill over in

By: Steve Wickhaml Self Improvement > Anger Managementl June 24, 2012 lViews: 204

As a passenger, I had to do my best to contain myself and keep quiet for 40 minutes. That was hard, but with paper and pen I wrote my questions for this person, unbeknownst to him, he was about to

By: Krystalina Soashl Self Improvement > Anger Managementl June 23, 2012 lViews: 170

When you need to let go of crippling emotional pain, you have to ask yourself a few important questions. This article focuses on five of these questions.

By: Andeline Williams Pretoriusl Self Improvement > Anger Managementl June 22, 2012 lViews: 183

Are you holding onto anger all day once something upsets you? Or do you accept it and let it go? It's your choice how you spend the rest of your day.

By: Debbi Dickinsonl Self Improvement > Anger Managementl June 22, 2012 lViews: 165

Why should Anger destroy your life and destiny? Anger is outrageous and should go down before sunset! Anger is the root cause of so many evil deeds and destruction in the world today. Learning how to

By: Ngozi Nwokel Self Improvement > Anger Managementl June 20, 2012 lViews: 192

Like a building, relationships must be maintained. They must be repaired, built on and improved if they are to withstand the test of time.The sad truth is that a lot of couples neglect the

By: Rodney Owenl Relationships > Enhancementl February 27, 2012 lViews: 392

Ever since Adam and Eve argued about what to have for dinner, couples have found themselves arguing. It has always been, and it always will continue to be. This is because a couple is in fact two

By: Rodney Owenl Relationships > Conflictl February 23, 2012 lViews: 209