Author Box
Articles Categories
All Categories
Articles Resources

Should I Tell My Husband's Coworker That I Know She Is Cheating With Him?

February 26, 2012 | Comments: 0 | Views: 181

I often hear from women who aren't sure how to proceed when they first find out that their husband is cheating. Often, they know many of the details, but the guilty parties aren't aware of this knowledge. And they wonder if they should confront their husband, the other woman, or both. Many wives are tempted to confront the other woman first. But they often have doubts as to whether this is the best idea or about the best way to go about this confrontation.

I heard from a wife who said: "I found some texts on my husband's phone that make it very obvious that he has been cheating with a woman at work. I don't know this woman. But I looked on the company directory and I know where her office is located. I am wondering if I should stand in the employee parking lot and confront her when she comes out to her car. I also find myself thinking about emailing her to let her know that I am very aware that she is cheating with my husband and that her behavior must stop immediately. However, my best friend says that she thinks that this is the wrong approach. She says I am better off approaching my husband first and then dealing with the other woman. Who is right?"

I actually agreed with the friend on this topic. Here is why. The other woman is a virtual stranger to you who has no vested interest in your life or in your well being. By confronting her, you are hoping that she feels guilty or afraid enough to end the cheating or the affair. But, what you aren't taking into consideration is that you do not know her and can't possibly gauge how likely any of this is to happen. Not only that, but you don't know that she is not going to run straight to your husband and tell him about your confrontation and act as if you were the aggressor. She may tell you lies about the relationship. She may deny the cheating or act as if your husband pursued her when this is not exactly the truth.

There are two participants in this situation but you only know one of them intimately. Only one of them has a history with you or a vested interest in being truthful and respectful. And that person is your husband. Long after the relationship between them is over, only one of these people is likely to remain in your life. While this other woman will likely go on to live her own life and may not cross your path ever again, the same is likely not true in regards to your husband, especially if you have children. That's why I believe that he is the one that you should confront about the cheating. Because it is helpful to understand early on that the goal is to get this other woman out of your life as soon as possible. But if you start contacting, confronting, or reaching out to her, then you make it more likely that she will remain in your lives for much longer than she needs to.

Many wives do understand this on an emotional level, but it is more difficult to convince their hearts to back off. Many just feel as if they can't sit back and not say or do anything. I understand this. It can be very hard to force yourself to back away from her, but I feel as if this is the right call. And I also feel very strongly that you never want to have a physical confrontation with this woman. I hear from so many wives who intend a relatively calm conversation but who find that things get out of control quite quickly. You don't know this woman or how she might react, so I feel very strongly that you should not walk into a physical confrontation.

If you absolutely must confront her, then I would advocate sending a brief email or letter since you can control when the message begins or ends. However, it is vital that you keep it short and to the point. You don't need to threaten, insult, or demean her. Instead, you simply want to tell her that you have found evidence of the relationship and that it must stop. That's it. You don't need to explain things or try to make her feel guilty. You don't want to give her any reason to need to respond back in a negative way.

As I've said, I think that the best case scenario is banishing her from both of your lives from this day forward. That's why I advocate confronting your husband rather than her. But if you must reach out to her, do it in a very safe and controlled way that doesn't invite her to engage with you or park herself into your life. You should be trying to push her out rather than inviting her in.

I understand that the very idea of the other woman might be causing you a lot of pain right now. But place your focus on where it belongs - on yourself, on your family, and on your husband. These people are so much more important to you than a stranger. I will admit that this was a struggle for me, but focusing on myself and my husband was the right call. Because our marriage is very solid today and she is just a distant memory. If it helps, you can read my story on my blog at

Source: EzineArticles
Was this Helpful ?

Rate this Article

Article Tags:

Do I Confront The Other Woman Who Is Cheating With My Husband


Do I Talk To The Other Woman Cheating

When speaking of celebrity weddings, they dresses are mostly tailored and designed form reputed international designers. Say for example, Dutch Victoria’s Secret model Doutzen Kroes. When speaking

By: Simon Liva l Relationships > Wedding l December 12, 2012 lViews: 215

Funny groom speeches play an important role in making the wedding atmosphere nice and relaxed. Wedding is all about celebration and enjoyment and the best way of adding to the celebration is to make

By: Bartley de Wilson l Relationships > Wedding l November 29, 2012 lViews: 219

The wedding cards of every religion have something peculiar and convey a lot about the religion. There are various online stores that are solely designing Muslim wedding cards and there is an option

By: Indian Wedding Card l Relationships > Wedding l November 29, 2012 lViews: 388

Practice makes pretty! Make sure the dance floor is right for the song and practice plenty of time before hand.Practice makes pretty! Make sure the dance floor is right for the song and practice

By: Simon Liva l Relationships > Wedding l November 21, 2012 lViews: 281

Wedding invitations are very important as they are the first impression and unique wedding invitations are generally kept by the guests. The wedding is an auspicious occasion and all the rituals are

By: Indian Wedding Card l Relationships > Wedding l November 16, 2012 lViews: 445

A closer look into the popular series of books called Fifty Shades of Grey that has spurred women all over America to get in touch with the sensual side in life. It's about letting your daily

By: martha l Relationships > Sexuality l October 25, 2012 lViews: 307

Affairs, whether extramarital or not face lots of judgment from the society. Most people feel that the judging is not sensible since the individuals getting into the affairs are grown ups and have

By: Sawyer Saltonl Relationships > Affairsl June 12, 2012 lViews: 228

Marriages are happy institutions and they are meant to be full of love hence last forever. It is from the love that children are borne and life enjoyed by the two souls who have been joined by love.

By: Sawyer Saltonl Relationships > Affairsl June 12, 2012 lViews: 260

Extramarital affairs have increased with time and they face harsh judgment from the society at large. Even though human beings have plenty of other flaws, being caught in an extramarital affair seems

By: Darrin Riveral Relationships > Affairsl June 12, 2012 lViews: 209

Wanting to be with someone other than your partner is natural, but giving in to the desire and cheating on them means that the relationship is just not important enough anymore, for love is all about

By: Jamie P. Johnsonl Relationships > Affairsl June 12, 2012 lViews: 233

There are several things that may lead to infidelity. Often they are quite simple but if overlooked, they turn tables and lead to breakups and separation. Relationships have to be nurtured for them

By: Joe Jamesl Relationships > Affairsl June 09, 2012 lViews: 229

If you have been dumped of late and feel you have been dealt a rotten hand you are not on your own, you may be relieved to discover it is quite common. Nevertheless this does not make it any the less

By: Roger Alanl Relationships > Affairsl June 09, 2012 lViews: 217

I heard from a wife who said: "I actually knew the other woman. She lives in our neighborhood and she works out at our gym. It's not as if we are next door neighbors or best friends or anything like

By: Katie Lerschl Relationships > Affairsl May 10, 2012 lViews: 236

I often hear from people who are considering forcing their spouse to end his or her affair. They often feel as if they don't have any real choice about this but they are wondering what the

By: Katie Lerschl Relationships > Affairsl May 09, 2012 lViews: 256

I heard from a wife who said: "last year, I made the worst mistake of my life. I had a fling at a class reunion that my husband could not attend. And then after the fling, I kept in contact with the

By: Katie Lerschl Relationships > Affairsl May 08, 2012 lViews: 186

I heard from a wife who said, in part: "a couple of years ago, one of our very dear couple friends divorced because of the husband's infidelity. We saw first hand how hurtful this was to every one

By: Katie Lerschl Relationships > Affairsl April 05, 2012 lViews: 170

I often hear from people who have just discovered (or admitted to) infidelity, cheating, or an affair. Of course, the feelings that a person experiences are going to be different depending on whether

By: Katie Lerschl Relationships > Affairsl April 04, 2012 lViews: 184

I heard from a wife who said: "my husband came to me a couple of weeks ago and told me that he had a short term sexual affair with an old girlfriend. He assured me that this happened because he was

By: Katie Lerschl Relationships > Affairsl April 03, 2012 lViews: 303