Author Box
Articles Categories
All Categories
Articles Resources

A Birthmother's Journal of Her Unplanned Pregnancy and Adoption Decision

March 13, 2012 | Comments: 0 | Views: 162


I couldn't believe it. I was late. I'm never late.

It was only one time. I couldn't get pregnant. I can't be pregnant. Not now. I'm young. I have goals, dreams. I'm not ready to be a Mom. What am I going to do?? The test didn't lie. I am pregnant.


He doesn't want children. Even if he did, he's not ready to be a Dad any more than I'm ready to be a Mom. Moms stay up all night with their babies, change diapers, feed, burp, rock, get spit up on, peed on, pooped on. Babies get bigger and they crawl and cry and get into things. Only about a year and they will walk and run and climb...I'm tired just imagining it! They need sooo much. They need everything done for them. They need food and clothes. They need love and understanding. They want to play and jump and climb into your lap when you're trying to read or watch TV, or hang out with your friends. Who will want to be friends with me and a little "tag along?" Having a child will put me in a whole new category of people. I feel lonely just thinking about it. They need so much more, and deserve so much more than I can give them right now.


What are my options? I can't go back in time. I can't not be pregnant. Maybe I will have a miscarriage. That would solve the problem. Is it a problem? Or is it just bad timing. This tiny life inside me is not a problem. I realize that I am a mom already. I am already thinking about this life and what will be best for him or her. I'm already making decisions. I could pretend it's not really a baby. I could get an abortion. Just make it go away and that's that, right?! But I AM pregnant. I know that. I know that there is a little beating heart within me. I can't snuff that out. Maybe this baby is destined to be someone great and do great things. What will the world be without them? What loss will the world suffer because my child is not in it?


I have to tell my family. They are going to FREAK out! Will they want this baby? Will they support me? Do I want my child's grandparents to raise them when I know I can't? Can I see them all the time knowing that they are mine and I can't care for them? Will I feel forever guilty?

My best friend once told me that she was adopted. I love her so much. I can't imagine what I would do without her. If she was adopted, then her birthmother had to make the same decision that I'm having to make. What would I do without my best friend? Whose best friend will my child be?


I got on the internet and starting doing some searching. Adoption. What a ton of hits I got! I narrowed it down...adoption in Orlando. Still lots of options. I see there are adoption agencies and adoption attorneys. I wonder what the difference is? How will I find the right family if I choose adoption like my friend's mother did? Can I do this? Can I allow someone else to parent my child? Will I ever have peace about this situation?


I made some phone calls. I got a lot of information about placing my baby for adoption. I feel a lot better already because I have always known that knowledge is power. I feel like I have more power now. More power to make a good decision for me and for this child I am carrying. I discovered that I can actually see profiles of families, find out about them and choose the family that I want to adopt my baby. I even can meet them! Adoption sure has changed over the years. I am also told that I can get pictures and letters about my child for all his or her life if I want! I can know what he or she looks like and how they are doing. They can have all the things I cannot give them right now. They will be loved and cared for and I can still follow my hopes and dreams. In fact, I realize that I am making someone else's dream come true. Someone has a dream to be a mom and dad and cannot. I can give the most precious gift of all. That is powerful.


I make some more calls. I talk with several helpful people, but I just feel comfortable with this one adoption attorney. She has been helping women like me for over 20 years make plans for their children's futures. She was very kind and answered all my questions and tried to help ease my fears. She tells me that it will be hard, but that I am strong and wise to make such a wonderful plan for my child's future. We talk about what kind of family I want for my baby. I want a mom and dad who have a stable marriage and who know how to talk and work out their problems. I want a family where the mom stays home. My mom had to work when I was growing up and I wanted so much to be with her and could not. I don't want my baby to have to go to daycare. I want my baby to have a dad who loves him or her and isn't afraid to change dirty diapers and is willing to get up in the night so the mom can rest sometimes. I would love it if they want to adopt more children so my child will have a brother or sister.


I picked a family! They are perfect with a capital "P"! Oh, they are not perfect, perfect. But they are the perfect family for my baby. They are everything I imagine for my child. I kind of wish they would adopt me too! Smile! I made an instant connection with Mary. She is so kind and caring. I can tell that she will love not only my child but me as well. And John is like a big teddy bear. I feel very comfortable with both of them. We are going to have dinner and get to know each other a little better. I would like her to come to the doctor with me sometime. Then she can hear her baby's heartbeat! What started out as the worst day in my life has become the best day today! I have met my baby's mother and father.


I talked to the father of the baby today. He does not want to be involved. That makes me sad. I wish I could just turn my back and decide I don't want to be involved. But I am carrying this baby inside me, so that is not an option. He is not against the adoption, but he doesn't want to meet John and Mary and wants nothing to do with this whole "situation," as he calls it. Funny... he wasn't having any problem when he was getting what he wanted six months ago.


It's almost time. The baby has been so active. Turning and seems like he never sleeps! Oh yes, it is a HE! I am having a boy! I have come to love John and Mary so much. I can't imagine my child being with anyone else, not even me! They are going to be such wonderful parents, and this baby boy is going to be so loved. I'm scared about labor and delivery. I know that I can do this. Women have babies every day. But I'm still scared. Mary is going to be with me during labor and delivery. We have gotten very close and I want her to be there to see her baby be born. I want to see and hold my baby too, but I want John and Mary to have those first precious moments with their son. John is going to be close by and come in right after the birth. I'm a little bashful about him seeing "all up in my garage!" This little life that I have been caring for for the past nine months is about to make his entrance into the world. I think I am ready.

SEPTEMBER 10...a day I will never, never forget.

He's here! After 9 hours of labor (they say that's not too bad for the first child), he's here! All 7 lbs. 8 ozs. of him. He has the cutest little tweaky nose and lots of dark black hair. He came out screaming. What a grand entrance he made! Mary cut the cord and then watched as the nurses cleaned him up and warmed him up. I took it all in... John and Mary crying as they get their first look at their son. I am crying too. I don't know if it's tears of relief that labor is over and he is here, tears of joy in seeing this couple who I love with their new son, or tears of sadness knowing that this 9 month journey for me is almost over. Maybe a little of all of that!

Baby Thomas has been given the thumbs up by the nurses and doctor and after being waded up in a little burrito ball, he is handed to his parents. They are crying, laughing, glowing, cooing and awing over this magnificent gift they have just received. It's hard to imagine that I ever considered NOT having this baby. What a perfect little man.

Then it is my turn. Mary lovingly places him in my arms. I cry, laugh at his silly expressions, soak him in...the sight of him, his smell, the feel of his silky skin, I memorize it. He is perfect. A perfect, masterful creation. He is part of me. He will always be a part of me, no matter where he is.


The next couple of days went by so quickly. Visits and pictures and nurses and doctors and more pictures. The attorney came to see me and we talked about signing the paperwork for the adoption. I had filled out a lot of other paperwork already but the most important document, the consent, would be signed after I am discharged and before I leave the hospital. It's the most important decision I will ever make and everyone wants to make sure this is really truly what I want. And it is. And it is the hardest thing I have ever done and probably will ever do in my life. But I have never been more sure of anything in my life as this.

The attorney, with two witnesses and a notary present, reads the consent to me. She explains everything, stopping while I wipe my tears and asking if I am o.k. and if I want her to continue. She is so gentle and kind. I forget that she is an attorney. We continue and I am ready to sign the paperwork. I think John and Mary must be waiting somewhere in the hospital holding their breath that this is really happening. Their dreams are coming true. I sign and date each document and then just like that I am done. Someone quickly picks up my baby and hands him to me. He comforts me. I cry as I hold him for the last time. I tell him how much I love him and what a wonderful life he is going to have. I will be sad for a while, but I will be o.k. My best friend is nearby. She watches all of this unfold and can't help but wonder what it was like when SHE was born. She is so thankful for the life that her birthmother chose to give her. She hugs me and we gaze upon this little miracle together.

The attorney calls John and Mary on her cell phone and tells them to come see their son. They enter the room, and with tears of joy and sadness, I hand my...their son to them. Mary comes to hold me, crying, telling me how precious I am to her and how she can never, never thank me enough for what I have done for them.

Yes, I had much power. Power to save a life. Power to give a life. Power to make dreams come true. Power to love. Power to live my life to the fullest while providing the fullest life for my son.


Today I got pictures! Oh he's growing so fast! He's wonderful! I'm doing wonderful! Life is wonderful!

Debbie Santora works with Adoption Attorney, Linda Barnby, in Orlando, Florida. Linda Barnby practices exclusively in the area of Adoptions and we welcome your call. We are private, confidential and caring. We are here to listen. If you are experiencing an unplanned pregnancy in Orlando, Tampa, Jacksonville or anywhere in the United States, we would love to hear from you. If you decide that adoption is right for you, you can pick one of our wonderful waiting families, meet them, get letters and pictures after birth and for a lifetime! Call or text us at 407-383-4942 or call our toll free number: 877-874-3715http://www.AdoptionMatchBook.com

Source: EzineArticles
Was this Helpful ?

Rate this Article

Article Tags:

Unplanned Pregnancy


Pros And Cons Of Teenage Pregnancy


Adoption Attorney


Pregnancy And Adoption

Since time immemorial unscrupulous folk have existed. The world continues to see them and they would continue to exist to the end of the world. The best you could do is sensitizing yourself to detect

By: Zuneaoy l Home & Family > Crafts Supplies l December 11, 2012 lViews: 582

What does it take to find the best prices and greatest selection when searching for jewelry supplies? Because jewelry making has become such a popular hobby, there is no shortage of locations where

By: Zuneaoy l Home & Family > Crafts Hobbies l December 11, 2012 lViews: 249

You can purchase the same thing online for a much cheaper price. Now, granted, you may find that some beads and snake bracelets are just as expensive as at the store, but you will find that online

By: Zuneaoy l Home & Family > Crafts Supplies l December 07, 2012 lViews: 331

Arborist is simply called as the nature maker in the words of a poet. They really make your garden clean, healthy and tidy. When you are having tress at your place it is necessary to check them up or

By: noragwilt l Home & Family > Gardening l November 20, 2012 lViews: 311

To make sure you gain true protection, it is of paramount importance that these covers ought to be durable and strong. To make sure you gain true protection, it is of paramount importance that these

By: Simon Liva l Home & Family > Entertaining l November 16, 2012 lViews: 269

If you wish to throw a birthday celebration party, you should have a lot of money. A number of people think that if perhaps they cannot dedicate such a lot money for the celebration, it won’t

By: jhoel mojokuvic l Home & Family > Entertaining l November 12, 2012 lViews: 286

Your friend is pregnant. It wasn't planned. She's not ready to be a parent so she makes an adoption plan for her baby. You want to help but you don't know how.

By: Deborah S Santoral Home & Family > Adoption Foster Carel April 16, 2012 lViews: 175

How to handle adoption expenses and adoption credits is one of those areas that has been subject to a lot of change and uncertainty. If you qualify there is still time to take advantage of the more

By: Wray Rivesl Home & Family > Adoption Foster Carel April 04, 2012 lViews: 170

An adoption of a child is not an easy process by any mean but it is easier if the child is an infant. An infant has no prior history so he can grow up in the environment of the home easily but an

By: Lizzie Duckingl Home & Family > Adoption Foster Carel March 11, 2012 lViews: 177

If you are pregnant and thinking about adoption, here are the 8 simple steps to putting your baby up for adoption. It may not be easy, but it is simple. Here's how to find the right adoption

By: Linda Barnbyl Home & Family > Adoption Foster Carel March 10, 2012 lViews: 175

Why would someone place their child for adoption? What should you be thinking about if you must decide whether to raise your child or place your child for adoption?

By: Linda Barnbyl Home & Family > Adoption Foster Carel March 09, 2012 lViews: 171

If you are suddenly pregnant - and it wasn't planned, you may not know what to do. You may not be ready to be a mom. And you may be afraid to discuss your pregnancy with just anyone. Where can you go

By: Linda Barnbyl Home & Family > Adoption Foster Carel March 09, 2012 lViews: 209

Your friend is pregnant. It wasn't planned. She's not ready to be a parent so she makes an adoption plan for her baby. You want to help but you don't know how.

By: Deborah S Santoral Home & Family > Adoption Foster Carel April 16, 2012 lViews: 175

Discuss this Article

comments powered by Disqus